Eye Drops!

If you go to the eye doctor and tell him that you have been having an "unexplainable bout with red, itchy eyes, and that over-the-counter strength remedies have been unfruitful," he might get you prescription strength ones. Maybe you lied, because you like getting high, but being undetected, because you don't think you're that crazy when you're stoned.

Chicago Bulls

Hey it's the Chicago Bulls!



Let's take a looksie at this roster:

Luol Deng: He got paid, finally. The long-winded contract negotiations between Deng and the Bulls front office had got me to thinking about several things:
-How good a year can the Bulls have in 08-09?
-Will Deng make an All-Star Game in the next 2 years?
-Does he enjoy Joakim Noah's random references to Central New Jersey?
I think Deng has all the pieces to become a top-tier player in the NBA, and this might be the year he stays healthy while displaying an improved offensive repertoire. His defensive presence is vastly underrated.

Drew Gooden: Didn't he play SF in college? Or was that just in NCAA 2001 on Playstation? Anywho, Gooden always puts up acceptable numbers, but never seems to generate headlines outside of growing a beard or playing piano(?).



Ben Gordon: BG is the pride of Mount Vernon, NY.
He has Ben Gordon Day/Weekend, but there are some things Gordon lacks: Size, consistent defensive effort, distribution skills, or a true position on the floor for a Bulls team that lacks an identity among its glut of guards. So let's hope that BG finds the right situation for his skill set.

Aaron Gray: Pitt Panthers know a thing or two about rivalry: The Big East is rife with inter-collegiate athletic tension. Aaron Gray is currently competing, whether he knows it/likes it or not, with Kevin Love, Spencer Hawes and Brad Miller for the illustrious title of "Great White Hope". White people are running scared, yellow people are everywhere: racism isn't funny, but life is.


Kirk Hinrich: Things didn't work out exactly as planned at Kansas, as Kirk and his buddy Nick Collison could not compete with the Carmelo Anthony led 2003 Syracuse Orange. For Team USA, Hinrich showed his talent and leadership, but it wasn't enough to overtake burgeoning powers such as Greece and Argentina. Last year's Bulls squad, full of expectations, never took off in the slightest; one trade for Larry Hughes and Drew Gooden later, the Bulls are back at square one. Why do bad things happen to good people?

Larry Hughes:



Joakim Noah: Poly Prep produced some great human beings over the last 10 years, most notably Mark Saigh, former first baseman for the Princeton High School Little Tigers. Joakim Noah, armed with a box of camels with a couple of pre-rolled J's, likes to party:

Maybe he will be a productive big, maybe Al Horford is ten times the man he is, maybe him and Harry Bornstein will smoke a dutch on LSD.

Andres Nocioni: "Chapo" is one of the most rough and tumble wings in the NBA. You have to love his competitive streak, as well as his ability to rebound in traffic. He has a solid three point stroke to compliment a rather refined offensive repertoire. He just never stays healthy for long enough to be a bona fide star. Time will tell, but he has all the potential to push the Bulls back in to the picture in the East.

Derrick Rose:

Thabo Sefalosha: My NBA fandom hinges entirely on the amount of playing time Thabo Sefalosha gets. More to follow in the coming months.

Cedric Simmons: This big boy is not quite a bruiser, not quite a finesse guy, and therefore not quite ready to play in the NBA consistently.

Tyrus Thomas: Has shown such flashes of defensive brilliance, that the entire mainstream media is praying that Scott Skiles is to blame for his regression during his second year in the league. Will he develop a serious 15 footer? Will he gain the confidence to dunk on everyone? Does he drink from the same cup as Stromile Swift?

Good luck Cook County...