Something

Now that I've gotten the first guest post out of my system, I'm starting to wonder if I have anything left to write about. Fortunately, I just picked up a copy of Lewis Hyde's capitvating, Trickster Makes This World, an analysis of the role of the trickster; Hermes in Greek mythology, Coyote/Raven/Black Feet (the spirits have got me!) in Native American Lore, Loki in Norse Mythology and more contemporary artistic gadflies such as John Cage, Marcel Duchamp and Ron Artest, ok no Artest, but you get the point.



I'm only about a quarter way in, but I can already say that it is must read material for 2009; no, I don't use the online social network of goodreads.com, but I did just give them a free plug, so you'll just have to keep sifting through my junkpile style of prose to encounter other suggestions, some inferred, some explicit.

Racing Thoughts:
-Three weeks in to the no-shave game and I discovered I have a single red hair that grows on my chin; explain that to me Steven Pinker!
-Regina Spektor could never have come to be without Fiona Apple's crying coked out blackout blessing.
-Eric Mangini was once a ball boy for the Browns, now he's head honcho; I once met Romeo Crennel in a Phoenix, AZ airport, he had the softest hands...
-I was once disgusted by Drew Magary's utilization of the Nazi Shark on his deadspin.com column, but I've grown a lot since that moment. Props to a guy who can openly talk about his issues with parenting, berating pitchfork media (a la cult hero Samuel Crane Newhouse) and coming up with enough Darren Sproles nicknames to fill a 10cc vial (throwgasm is a brilliant witticism that has somewhat restored my faith in nfl faithfuls, somewhat).
-If I write a poem about Michael Douglas sucking my dick, I did, does it mean I have a problem or is it funny?
-Does an 8 am coffee always lead in to a 10 am coffee?
-Al loves the kids; insert humbert humbert reference here.
-The kids love Al; insert alchemist youtube clip here.

-The 2 euro Chicken Sausage contains trace elements of pork at the supermarket by my crib.
-That Jadakiss verse is on point in that Alchemist track.
-Brad Lidge owns a world series ring.
-Albert Pujols' last name is still hilarious
-Pusha T's verse is pretty fucking good too.
-Could Snoop make a later career push to become the next Nate Dogg? That is an inane and irrelevant thought I'm sorry.
-If there's one vagina that I'd crawl inside and die, if I could do such a thing, it would be yours mother earth; oops, that's actually what's gonna happen to me eventually.
-Favorite Big L line that I thought of in the last 30 seconds: Is Big L slow? Hell no! Bitches get fucked on the roof, if I ain't got no hotel though.

(Quick Note: I'm more partial to this than 2Pac's "I Ain't Mad Atcha", but that's some East Coast Bias if there ever was one.)
-Officially putting an APB out for Mcgruff...
-Flee the country to Argentina; leave it to Mason Betha to reference the Third Reich's diaspora circa 1946...
-Lowell George, lead singer of groove-heavy southern rockers Little Feat, is kind of like if Jack Black quit blowing so much coke, smoked opium all day while watching Gone With the Wind and replaced Kyle with some dope female backing vocals (huge mistake).

I just shit my pants, a masterworks 2? Cancel that, fuck these guys; masterworks 1 is the only one that matters; you can't usurp butt baby with live renditions of Pick of Destiny songs, not now, not ever.

Guest Post!

Bang Bang you sons of bitches! (courtesy of borderbanger.blogspot.com apparently)



I can remember more than a handful of people in high school hating on Peter Abram for being himself; everyone's got their story, some more poignant/hilarious than others. That said, I'm all for taking a look at the other side of things (after all, I AM the epitome of judeo-christian grace) so with that said, I want to help show the world that sometimes, in between the pieces of corn-speckled shit and that carnival goldfish corpse, there's a diamond ring floating in the sewer.

You may have heard of Dan The Automator; dude's responsible for production on a long, long list of important hip-hop albums. We're going to be taking a look at as many of these as we can; starting off with the futurist/nerd-hop classic Deltron 3030 featuring Del The Funky Homosapien, Sean Lennon, MC Paul Barman and Kid Koala on the scratches.

Going back to my first point here (not finger-fucking on a boat, so more like point 1B), you can hate all you want on someone for any number of reasons, but since I have been given the proper agency to play devil's advocate, let me just say that Peter Abram introduced me to Deltron 3030 a year or so after its release. He bumped it early and often and many of the messages of this album had been lost on me until recent times, when old mental wounds had healed and I had some time to reflect and subsequently articulate why I slept on this record. So, before I go any further, let me introduce the first guest post on the port wine grind; Peter Abram's thoughts on Deltron 3030.

Flying cars. Kill or be killed in the arena, vast numbers of unusual weapons at hand. Should I grab the shrink ray or the gravity gun? Alien women, four forked tongues. Summer houses on Mars, complete with in-ground bromine pool.

Overpriced SUVs. American Idol, vast numbers of teenage lemmings. Should I sing "My Heart Will Go On" or "I Will Always Love You"? Prostitutes, forty dollars an hour. Summer houses on the New Jersey shore, incomplete.

There was a movie that came out in 1955 called "The Future Is Now" which tried to give us a glimpse of how we were going to be living at the turn of the millenium. But a short 5 months after Y2K, a hip-hop album entitled Deltron 3030 came out, telling us of similar notions of the future, just giving a more distant timeframe for its realization. The future isn't now, it's in 3030. The album tells us of all of the technological advances, but still resonates of standard human society.

"It's all heat in this day and age."

Too many notions of the future believe that we will one day unite as a species and colonize other planets, find alien races, and essentially become naturally enlightened. Deltron 3030 is one of the many absurdist notions of the future which have gained momentum as of late, seeing as how even though time progresses, we do not. Israel is still a battle ground, AIDS is running rampant in Africa, and people all around the world just plain refuse to settle their differences. We are stubborn creatures and readily deny that accusation daily.

"Heathens will breed heathens so
Everybody's suspect I must check your ID"

We don't trust each other. And absurdist visions of the future say we shouldn't. There is no god, no great unifying force, no holy grail of knowledge, no Nirvana, no this, no that, just people. It puts things in perspective, doesn't it? Make us realize that the pinnacle of human existence is, well, whatever you want it to be. Still, we all strive to be remembered, to make a mark. The technologist future is 3030, but the sociological future is now. That's what Deltron tells us, place no faith in tomorrow. The best we can do for ourselves isn't all too great, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.

"When I vanish leave my spirit in a planet
On top of the surface my words and wit emerging"

-Pete

A High-Quality copy may become available on request. Until then, thanks youtube:

from the archives...

Mumia Abul-Jamal is still in prison, Bush Jr. it's time to pardon this man.