First Trimester Abortions:
This early in the season it was extremely difficult to judge the overall effect that these 6 head coaches were having on their seemingly lottery-bound franchises, but it seems that win-loss record was an important indicator. There was also an interesting piece I read recently where someone tried to highlight a specific game that served as the death knell for the following:
-Maurice "Mo" Cheeks, Philadelphia 76ers
-Mark "Interim Tag Removed Thanks to Incompetent GM" Wittman
-Sam "anthropomorphic dinosaur hybrid" Mitchell
-Reggie "Hang Time" Theus
-P.J. "Open Secret; I can't coach young players" Carlesimo
-Eddie "Thanks a lot Gil/Haywood, at least I look like Terrence Howard ate Marlon Brando circa on the waterfront" Jordan
I find it amusing to see these 6 coaches playing musical chairs for open spots on the teams they have all recently vacated. Perhaps one of the big cable conglomerates will swallow some of these guys up for the purposes of having an insider voice who can really break down the 1st order questions that truly order the nba's infrastructure (note: a first order question, as opposed to a second order question, might be asking why effort is so eye-poppingly low on these losing teams; is it a dearth of talent, is it the wrong system, is it finding a guy who can connect with a bunch of over-inflated egos (seriously name one person who ACTUALLY wants to coach Rashard Mccants, besides maybe British Comedian Benny Hill (R.I.P.))
Because that's the only way to describe the farcical wheeling and dealing freestyling that can be proffered for the masses on youtube; Do you think he's copyrighted "Young, Black and Gifted" I always thought Sir Smoke A Lot's tribute to Sampson Simpson had that shit on lock!
First Trimester Success Stories (Why to like the Warriors when you're from New Jersey):
-Anthony Morrow; one 37 point outburst, on a team full of guys who randomly have one big night, has this young gunner from Georgia Tech in the apple of the mainstream media's eyes.
-Anthony Randolph, one (or two) dunks on Yao have catapulted this LSU favorite son in to the bloggo stratusphere, at least as far as the ones I read do. (Caveat: There are a million other reasons to like Anthony Randolph if you see his presence in the league leading to some intriguing developments in regards to the "positional revolution" or perhaps finding an appropriate answer to the question of "where and how do you play a 6' 10" beanpole rebounding machine [oxymoron?] who happens to stroke mid-rangers and dunk on everyone in a 5 mile radius?")
-Devin Harris has an offense tailored specifically to his skill set. Lawrence Frank is the most non-threatening, pocket sized coach in the league. May they mire in mediocrity til death do they part, now kiss the bride!
-Andres Biedrins, fantasy basketball mainstay, is putting up consistent numbers while improving his free throw %'s and putting Latvia/hair gel back on the map. Seriously though, hair gel was a phase in my life and I can't remember for the life of me why...
-Nenad Krstic, wants back, and the Nets could still technically sign him up (hint, he's still a huge improvement over Lopez or Anderson, but where is Boone, and where the fuck is our very own up-in-smoke at?!?!?!?)
First Trimester Awards (chicago bulls only):
-Funniest Freak Accident: Derrick Rose
-Ugliest Beard: Joakim Noah
-Person I'd most like to smoke a blunt with: Aaron Gray
-Mostly out the door: Kirk Heinrich
-Most Opulent: Tyrus Thomas
-Most Scrumtrillescent: Thabo Sefalosha
First Trimester Epiphany:
STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP
Home shopping network is on youtube!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? This is utterly illogical, so why do I find the notion so very satisfying?
