Shareef Abdur-Rahim: One word describes SAR(s?); winner. What's that, you say? How can a guy whose never made it to the playoffs be described as a winner? Well, perhaps I was trying to draw attention towards the senseless accolades that statistics can earn a player who never plays for a playoff team.
Bobby Brown: Yes! My favorite Cal-State Fullerton alum (see earlier highlight video post) has found his way in to the League! I had believed the earlier rumored report of him finding his way on to the Hornets (which, in the absence of Jannero Pargo, would have been a great fit as an energy guy who can handle the rock), but am glad to see him not having to stray too far from his California roots. My arbitrary affection for his game has no specific origins, other than his eerie similarity to a certain entertainer/basketball player, or maybe I'm spouting nonsense again:
Random Note: Nick Drake's story is a moving one. I would liken his existence to that of cold fusion; just when it seems we have it figured out, there becomes a whole in the argument, some hindrance to completing the circuit.
Quincy Douby: I doubylieve!(Douby was a state-wide hero circa 2004 for his heroics in the NIT) In an ideal world, QD would be playing serious minutes for an NJ Nets team in the East. Let me reiterate how much I hate the Keyon Dooling signing; the Nets are destined to compete for Least improved team this season.
Francisco Garcia: Dominicano! Great range on his jumper, can play minutes at the point and at the three. Is the primary caretaker for his entire family, like many nba players, and therefore is excused for not fully living up to his potential as a light-skinned scoring machine of hate, minus the hate part probably. Probably spends his summers working the cash register at Mcdowell's.
Donté Greene: Aaron Bobis once recanted me a tale of how he had lost the once firm grip on his sanity due to Greene's incalculably bad shot selection. How a 6-11 forward with above average athleticism can have trouble finding better shots than fadeaway 24 footers is a question for the ages. He certainly is no upgrade over Ron-Ron, but is he even an upgrade on Kenny Thomas? What's up with all the moron fuck Rockets fans who went apeshit over a summer league game when he dropped buckets? Ain't shit!
Or maybe he'll prove all the critics wrong and develop into a serious player.
Spencer Hawes: The Pacific Northwest's other white meat:
Bobby Jackson: Thirty seven THOUSAND puff pieces later, BJ is back to get blown in his old stomping grounds. Who could forget the instant offense Jackson provided to those terribly talented Kings squads of the late nineties and early new millenium? Motherfucker could stroke!
Kevin Martin: Well on his way to becoming the Alex English of our time. Super K, as I like to call him since he is a refurbished K-Mart, has a Faust-like trajectory; a man with powers he is only now starting to command and fully understand. He shoots a high percentage, gets to the free-throw line, has the potential to be an elite on ball defender, hell he even makes his teammates better. That said, his contributions can seem numbingly consistent at times. And he's never been an important piece for a playoff team.
Brad Miller: Redrab Illm; the first anagram that came to mind that makes his injury plagued years of recent memory more forgivable if we thought of him as a Serbian refugee. Anywho, Miller is a rare passing big who can stroke mid-rangers all day and still get inside to the dirty work rebounding. I don't understand why he doesn't get more touches, but I am also an idiot.
Mikki Moore: Like many fantasy basketball GM's who struggled through the injury plagued campaign of 2006, I picked up Moore for his occasional double-doubles. Then I found this:
I'm glad I didn't go to school in Nebraska.
John Salmons: Ohh baby! The beard alone earns him many points on my ever tipping scale of bromance for the NBA. Unlike former teammates Guillermo Diaz, Salmons has no problem being the kind of quiet contributor that GM's love. He can play pretty much every position on the floor, and seems to demonstrate a great workmanlike demeanor on the court at all times. He probably likes to smoke marijuana.
Kenny Thomas: The most important piece of the trade that brought so many bright young faces from Philadelphia in order to purge the Central California basketball playing area from the plague that we call C-Webb, in the sense that he now never plays and bucked the trend on undersized 4's while Maxiell was still drinking milk from his Momma's titties.
Jason Thompson: Like most graduating seniors from Rider University, JT has opted to go in to a field not related to his major. He also won't have to sell bags of Mexican Oregano to fund field trips to the Lower East Side of Manhattan to ask underage girls if he can buy them a drank. I hope that last sentence doesn't get construed as racist. It's nice to know that NJ can produce more than corn, pollution, Blueberries, Nobel Peace Prize Winners, Tomatoes, Malls and slutty people.
Beno Udrih: Languid, frustrated and silently waiting, Udrih patiently waited for his rookie deal to expire so he could enjoy the fruits of his labor as he has blossomed in to a legit floor general for the Kings. Got to love lefty PG's. His name is fun to say, how can you not root for this guy?
Shelden Williams: Despite his massive forehead, and limited abilities, the "landlord" Shelden Williams is married to Brandy. Maybe that meant something 15 years ago, but last time I checked if you're not banging Beyonce or Rihanna, you don't get to be on the cover of Jet magazine.
Godspeed
