2008/07/03

Interview With a Vampire


In my endless endeavor to appear competent in public places, I have managed to get myself all the way to the lowly position of bus boy. I am fully qualified; I speak Spanish and English halfway decently, I have all my limbs in tact (with most of my fingers functioning properly, this damn right pinkie is in pain), and I am easily led.
who is creepier, him for making this video in this manner, or me for trying to present it to people in the world outside?)

Douglas Forrester, former Republican gubernatorial candidate of the State of New Jersey, was back for the 3rd time in 3 weeks to our find establishment, JL Ivy. He speaks with aplomb to people who seem to have serious questions for him about their lives. Read about Doug Forrester here. So he's personally endorsed by George Walker Bush. Anyways, after all the cronies had cleared out and he was left to leave with the last bit of the mess. I imagined I was a hitman hired by a radical terrorist organization and I shot him down, dead to the ground. He then showed me something that is of great importance apparently, American Express Black® card. This means he has a butt-ton of money. Am I saying we should rob this motherfucker? Of course not! This is a civil servant after all. That said, it left me wanting to talk to him, could he still be humble after making ALL that money.

AJS: Excuse me sir, I was just wondering, you being in the field of politics and all, if you went straight to Law School after Undergraduate studies?

The Honorable DF: Actually, I never went to Law School. I had a different path, and frankly those who go straight in to politics never end up having as much to offer to us.

AJS: (Mildly impressed with his candor) That's a good point, I've been reading David Halberstam's book, The Best and the Brightest on the supposed, great Democratic White House that got us in to Vietnam.

THDF: Yes that's a great book, but remember that idealism is still very important.



Earlier today I was speaking with Maurice, the waiter who magically resembles the Jamaican Harry Shearer, and he had this to say about the good judge;

MTHW: All those conservative pricks try to do is fuck us.

AJS: You said it man...


We Gotta Get Away From This Day to Day Running Around...


How much writing can I get done in the time it takes to listen to Side A of Everybody Knows This is Nowhere? My guess, not as much as I thought.

Anyhoo, let's get down to the nitty gritty:

-Is Javale Mcgee's mama's WNBA presence of any consequence whatsoever? When I see highlight reels of him, they are all offensive. Don't these Wizards need an inside presence that is ready to dominate; no one can perhaps answer this question, but I would have loved to see someone like JJ Hickson for the Wizards. A questionable fit in Cleveland, with his great upside implying a need for some serious minutes before he can be a "suitable replacement for Joe Smith" (who they just fucking traded for!!!! [Maybe a sign that Lebron won't be around in a couple of years unless they seriously develop some young drafted talent!!!!) If Mcgee somehow offers anything other than the uncanny ability to play well in Summer League/Preseason garbage minutes against the likes of Loren Woods, or other super studs of yesteryear, then I, for one, will be thoroughly impressed with Ernie Grunfeld's decision to continue his erratic drafting habits. What the hell is Eddie Jordan's system anyway? Just good enough to make the playoffs? It's not exactly fate that they keep meeting Cleveland so early, both teams are linked by their inability to field a team that can be considered the regular season elite, so that perhaps some of their deficiencies, on the bigger stage, can be masked a little bit more.

Cleveland needs reliable offensive talents who can supplement Lebron's explosiveness. A lead guard is a good place to start; one that understands how important passing is a part of his game, like no other wing before him. An active big man, like Drew Gooden, but not such a bitch when it counts; wasn't Drew Gooden a small forward in college anyway? Or was that just how I used him in NCAA Live 2001? I'm so confused.

The Wizards? They need to really define the roles of their "Big 3" who all like filling up stat sheets, but don't seem to do much else on the court. Who of Arenas, Butler and Jamison can play game changing defense? Butler has the most potential in this regard, but maybe Bill Simmons is on point when he called him "either the most unathletic athletic guy he's ever seen, or the most athletic unathletic guy" it's ambiguous. In other news, the youngins look slowly promising. How much can these Eastern teams keep preaching the future, when the West continues to develop talent along side proven players.

Boston's "Blackwater" mercernary squad, maybe that sounded a little too much like Don Imus, won because they had something better than chemistry; a clear path. What Boston achieved by thinking like a Western Conference team, was being able to slowly steamroll the competition. I thought THE A-TEAM was a great show; is that why I like Mr. T so much still? I never saw the PSA's that Robert Smigel seems to have so brilliantly mocked, too young. I stopped eating Slim Jim's when I realized that I was becoming a portly version of what I saw in my dreams every night. I guess I have trouble believing that a former professional wrestler (even in Rocky 3 he was regarded as a grappler, not a puncher) could hold the nation's youth hostage with his aggresive brand of American values.

Down by the River; has Neil Young or Chris Farley better defined the issue of what it truly means to experience the river?

Açai Berries in fruit pops that only have 35 calories? Horribly unsatisfactory.

Be on my side or
Be on your side

There is no reason
for you to hide

It's so hard for me
staying here all alone

When you could be
taking me for a ride


She could drag me over the rainbow
and send me away

Down by the river
I shot my baby
Down by the river


http://rapidshare.com/files/121820681/SNL-Best.Of.Chris.Farley.part1.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/121821356/SNL-Best.Of.Chris.Farley.part2.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/121821931/SNL-Best.Of.Chris.Farley.part3.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/121822510/SNL-Best.Of.Chris.Farley.part4.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/121823169/SNL-Best.Of.Chris.Farley.part5.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/121823754/SNL-Best.Of.Chris.Farley.part6.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/121824284/SNL-Best.Of.Chris.Farley.part7.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/121824400/SNL-Best.Of.Chris.Farley.part8.rar

You Decide.