2009/09/01

WhoSE THE LAST GUY ON the End of Your Bench?: Indiana Pacers

The Frying Dutchman is a fictional establishment run by the Captain in the Simpsons, the neon sign would be enough to win most people over, but the buffet spread inside takes the whole thing from ashy to classy faster than a quiet storm of shea's butter. The Dunking Dutchman, Rik Smits, was one of the better Centers in the Eastern Conference on a number of consistently competitive Pacer squads full of players you don't remember outside of Spike Lee muse/horrible cuckold-creating TNT NBA commentator Reggie Miller. The closest thing the current squad has to Marist college's finest these days is Roy Hibbert; the 7-2 big man whose presence is so plodding that I actually thought he'd been in the league for three years. This is supposedly ironic, because this season under the helm of Larry Bird/Jim O'Brien we get to witness the Arnold Palmer (1/2 & 1/2) of nba rosters.

Tyler Hansbrough, Travis Diener, Troy Murphy, Josh McRoberts, Mike Dunleavy AND Jeff Foster are all white, at least two of these clowns will be starters (Pacer fans might note that Murphy is kind of a double-double machine, and that Hansbrough will somehow transcend his impressive college days by refining the seemingly non-existant skill set that he put on display for 4 years at UNC) Down at the Eastern Shore of Maryland, I came across a gas station/beer markt called Dr. Unk; people these days...

I guess I could talk about the rest of the squad; Brandon Rush (why does he look so different than older brother Kareem?), the aforementioned Hibbert, All-Star Danny Granger (who apparently, recently learned to dribble with his head up!), and all the others, but let's get down to the nitty-gritty here.

JAY DEFRUSCIO, come on down.


IT STINKS ('94 real shit y'all)




highlights (for kids):

The 46-year-old (11/4/60) DeFruscio is a native of Drexel Hill, Pa., and earned a degree in Economics from Ursinus College. He was a four-year letter winner at Ursinus while playing in the Division III Final Four in 1981 and Elite Eight in 1982. He is a member of the Ursinus College Athletic Hall of Fame.

He has a son named Hooter, yikes.