Washington Wizards

An exciting offseason indeed! Let's discuss the curerent roster for the Washington Wizards:

Gilbert Arenas: Overexposure leads to increased color bleed in the picture. I have aspirations of an all Gil all-star weekend.

Andray Blatche: Only one way to explain his career so far:



Caron Butler: Whatever the fuck people nicknamed this dude as, Tough Juice, is confusing to me as an outsider to the game of basketball as such. Therefore I will just comment that he is a top-tier favorite player of mine in the association.

Antonio Daniels: Used to be a leaper, still has low to the ground athleticism. Never had elite point skills, but got away with a lot because of how well he moves defensively. Russell Westbrook take note! You're hyper-athletic and have the potential to rise above the standard set by guys like Daniels and a young Jason Kidd.

This when Kidd was still in High School (approaching 20 years ago):



Brendan Haywood: Makes one long for the Kris Lang years at UNC.

Antwan Jamison: Got more pussy at UNC than Brendan Haywood, that's for damn sure.

Javale Mcgee: Is the prototypical feminist.

Dominic Mcguire: Seems to lead an honest life, just happy to be here kind of guy.

Oleksiy Pecherov: Dangerously thin, summers working for Gazprom have not improved his station in life.

Darius Songaila: Lithuanian! He's got something going on, always willing to take the hits inside, likes shooting jumpers, never a great athlete, mediocre defender, decent passer maybe, and mired in mediocre tendencies. Never makes the exciting play, has not the power to do so.

Deshawn Stevenson: Has swagger, miles of it. He is bigger than the American education system as far as I'm concerned. Tracy Morgan and Tracy Mcgrady had a baby and it's name was Baron Davis.

Etan Thomas: Demands that you take him and his rhymes seriously Brendan Haywood!

Nick Young: USC girls were great...Georgetown girls have funny moles...I am an amazing dunker...I am, oh fuck, ten minutes late for practice, was I dreaming? Nope these things are actually probably true.