I need one of these.

Here are some things that everyone should know about Huelva:

-Gertrude Vanderbilt Whitney came here back in the day and erected dozens of sculptures around the city.
-The East Side is where the action is.
-There is an old man who lives in a shack under a highway overpass named, el portugés, who sells bikes, but it is unclear when he will have a bike for you. He will happily demonstrate with a magnet that he only sells frames made out of quality alloys.
-There is a nightclub called FAma, where I have yet to go, because I cannot bring myself to stay up late listening to music that is popular here.
-We had a party on Halloween, it was a great success.