Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in the NBA are no joke; players who don't fill traditional "human positions" (PG, SG, SF, PF, C) so well, and will not pay for the pizza if it doesn't show up exactly on time as the advertisement claims. In a perfect world, these lost souls could wander on to the New York Knicks together in 2008 to possibly conclude the process of alienating every fan to the point of no return. Then all of the sudden it's 2010 and Lebron's Nets are the best game in town.
Al Harrington: A HUGE Small Forward; in the sense that he jacks up ill-advised threes, four feet behind the line, despite having incredible potential as a slashing/rebounding/wing defensive freak. He couldn't even beat Princeton Day School in Basketball when he was 18. Come on Al, I expect more from you than mediocrity, but you are from New Jersey, so I guess I understand. You should listen to the Elliott Smith album, "Songs from a Basement on a Hill", if you're wondering why señor Harrington seems unable to get his shit together; (Hint: Seemingly limitless potential [from a biased fan], Apparently limited discipline [that we all can agree on]; depressing results)
Bonzi Wells: Well, Well, Well, what can I say about Bonzi that hasn't already been said about every other "Big Guard" who can't shoot a jumper to save his life. Can I just say that Bonzi has a huge ass? It's painful to think about, but why aren't more young players looking to Barkley? My mom is always dropping lines about that shit. He, like many of his "tweener" brethren suffer the indignities of being told what to do, despite perceiving the best way he can contribute to the team as something different. Sean Marion seems to have similar issues; there's a reason the freak show isn't the main attraction of most circuses. In a more rational world, Bonzi could nestle up with the likes of Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobli and Tony Parker; where his specialization skills as a role player have real value to a team. I'll even offer a realistic trade option; Bonzi's current deal and the ghost that we call Ryan Bowen for 
Brent Barry, straight up; both teams get something they need; the Spurs get an aged, unusual pet project and the burning-hot flame Matt Bonner needs to be destroyed and then arise like a phoenix from the ashes on the New York Knicks, while the Hornets get a white guy who won the dunk contest once. 
Charlie Villanueva: My first, and only, encounter with Charlie Villanueva was when I was 17 years old. Trenton New Jersey's very own Sovereign Bank Arena was hosting the 2003 prime time shootout, the year Lebron James essentially beat Westchester (California) High School by himself. As a senior at The Blair Academy, Villanueva dazzled crowds with both his up and down play and lack of any body hair; . His condition led to opposing teams fans absolutely grilling him. Despite this, when I walked by a tall, tall man, with some of the most J.L. Borgesian facial features I have ever seen, I was greeted with a friendly look and a self-assured, "How's it going?" After a strikingly shady recruiting battle eventually culminated with his transfer to UConn, it never seemed quite clear what Villanueva really was. On paper he could do quite a lot; Rebound, Shoot, Handle the Rock a little, and maybe even play acceptable Post-Defense. The accolades have always been there for him; statistically he deserved the awards. That said, he has never really played for a winning team, and it seems like he really needs a winning environment to be able to contribute accordingly. The Good Land that is Milwaukee would be wise to move him for someone that can get the ball to Richard Jefferson, Michael Redd, Joe Alexander and maybe even Andrew Bogut. Tell Senator Kohl that the Yi year will not be cited as evidence for a future foreign policy. This guy really doesn't give a fuck what anyone has to say about his shortcomings; he dropped 48 points, in the playoffs, as a rookie, and hasn't put up numbers that justify his removal from the NBA fraternal order, but if he were the bat that Bobby picked out for Roy Hobbs, The Natural would have been rather anticlimactic.
Antoine Walker: Much like a Russian Conscript during World War II, Antoine Walker blazed the earth in his college stint with Kentucky. Legit numbers (15.2 ppg, 8.2 rpg) on a team that included 5 other NBA players (NCAA Demigod Ron Mercer, Nazr Mohammed, Derek Anderson, Jamaal Magloire, and the greatest WNBA player that never was, Scott Padgett) led to him being drafted 6th overall in 1999, a spot which, as claimed by John Hollinger recent article on The Worldwide Leader, he can claim to be the most successful of, relative all other #6 picks since 1984. In the interim period between then and now, he has taken 4264 in-game three pointers, and probably 5 practice ones. Hopes were high that he could offer a lot as a sort of combo-forward, and, the Perfect Storm of the 2003-2004 when they were disposed of by a confusingly dominant, Jason Kidd-led Nets squad was the last time we'd seen Toine's combination of idiocy and wizardry on full display. He has bounced around the league quite a bit since, below the Texas Panhandle and up above the Lake Minnetonka. Ram Narayanan, formerly of the Princeton Day School basketball team favorably compared me to Antoine Walker once during an Alumni game in 2007; my ego has not recovered since.Draft Analysis: Indentured Slave Trade? A handshake instead of chains? How far have we really come?
Bo Diddley is a Gunslinger:Bo Diddley is a Gunslinger
No comments:
Post a Comment