Sexiest team (Preseason)? I vote New Orleans Hornets:
Mo Peterson: Grainy Sexy
Chris Paul: I can imagine when he was at Wake Forest, many a college fan thought of CP3 too have an ego to this effect. Cockknocking aside, Paul has that dedicated Christian fire that all fairweather fans can rally behind. Tyson Chandler: Dominicano for life methinks David West: Leonardo leads, Donatello does machines (That's a fact, Jack!) Raphael is cool but crude (Gimme a break!) Michaelangelo is a party dude (Party!) Watch Here
Hilton Armstrong: Land Before Time Sexy
Devin Brown: Pharaoh Sexy
Rasual Butler: La Salle Explorer Sexy
Melvin Ely: B-Movie Star Sexy
Mike James: Just Happy to be here Sexy
Sean Marks: Sexiest man alive Sexy
Peja Stojakovic: Vlade's sexy dance partner
Julian Wright: Blessed by the Good Lord Sexy
There you have it A rational explanation for how to correctly cheer for your hometown team if you're from the greater Gulf Area; unless you like the Rockets, Spurs, Magic, Heat, and/or the Memphis Grizzlies. Unfortunately only one can team can hold down the honor of sexiest team in the NBA.
With the first weekend drawing to a close here in Huelva, I have learned a smattering of life facts:
1) Huelva, both the city and the province, have a cancer rate per-capita that is 4 times higher than almost any other part of Europe. 2) Gypsies won't steal your things, necessarily, if you can prove to him that you are an even more random mixture of disparate cultural influences. 3)Euros are not dollars, they are like megabucks; as in they make you feel megabroke when you ain't got too many. 4)Spaniards get really familiar after they've been drinking; I'm talking men, not women. 5)Big Ups to Martin Raboteau Outspaced-Super Furry Animals
I'm pretty sure anyone, who's ever watched Anchorman, heard of Jethro (Jasha) Tull, or put two and two together has uttered that above phrase upon entering Huelva. The poshest ir de compras in Huelva is located right on the port; buttressing the Dior kiosk is the biggest Zara store mein eyes have ever seen. The Phone House employees looked sad and lonely, and gave me the eye, the brown eye, so I bukowskid her.
Huelva is hot, hot, hot! Everyday it gets up to 27 degrees Celcius, for all you that don't 'habla español', use the following math formula to get the equivalent in Fahrenheit; 9/5C+32=F or 5/9F-32=C.
Wowwie Wow Wow!
In other news, the Italianos speak the English better than the Spanish; which runs wholly counterintuitive to what us Americanos might imagine.
Drinking gazpacho out of a glass is ill. Pressed Cheese Sandwiches are a delight. It will be even nicer when I'm chilling in a piso (apt.)
not one not two but three album posts today coming up!
Dirty old Spanish men are the best people to sit in a corner, shithole bar with and talk about politics.
Q: What should we do about Bush? A: Hang that motherfucker by his ankles in the town square.
Q: Mccain in office is a scary thought, don't you think? A: Obama will win, then they'll assassinate him like his name was Bobby Kennedy.
Drinking Spanish beer with a Belgian is good for many reasons, here are 7:
1) I learned, at least according to my friend, that there are over 300 types of Bier in Belgium; there are local festivals where a pint can be sampled for 1 Euro. 2) We can wonder aloud why Turkish people love Vodka so. 3) Leffe used to be a micro brew, but in this modern age of mass prouction has seriously fallen off in terms of quality; Fake American beer snobs, myself included, you are officially on notice! 4) Belgian girls can be very pretty. The ones in Huelva...not so much. (his words) 5) We got free commemorative Cruzcampo glasses by asking nicely to some waitresses at a local bar. 6) We estimated that one bar had roughly 3,000 euros worth of ham hanging above their bar. 7) We felt each other from the inside, long and hard.
Nobody really reads this shit anyway; but if my folks are reading this, then ignore item 7, we all know that all the really gay shit goes down behind closed doors anyway.
Another full morning of walking around rather aimlessly. Toothpaste and a towel have very much been acquired. A mobile phone? No Dice. An apartment? I got phone numbers to call, but I can't do that until I get a phone. Funny place, this Spain.
Many new friends have been made already; Slovenian roomate is chill, Italians hold down the partying front, Turkish guy is humorous, another American named Alex who also enjoys the arts and hails from the tri-state area, even the perpetually fucked up German André knows a thing or two about having a good time.
Somedays, like it or not, you end up being completely inept. Today involved three specific goals: 1) Get to the hostel and orientated, perhaps meet people who I could find an apartment with, and rest up for partying most likely. 2) Buy a towel and some toothpaste. 3)Get a Spanish celly.
Item 1 was a great success; people are chill, it's an incredibly young city (many students), and chilling will be a frequent occurrence. After that my itinerary gets a bit dicey.
As I ambled about the city center, I must have came upon the same 5 cell phone stores a million times. None of them were PHONE HOUSE; the only provider that carries Happy Móvil (†), the only brand I will ever purchase from in Spain, because it has the best brand name appeal. (Why else directly link to it?)
Amid the moronic shuffle of not finding the damn place, I neglected to collect a razor, more toothpaste or a towel; I don't NEED any of these things yet, but I can still be disappointed.
Oh shit, I am jetlagged and raggedy and slightly confused as to why Im taking a train, but worry not. Madrid is really beautiful and majestic. The Parque del Buen Retiro was such a treat, mosquito bites aside, I dont think Ive ever seen a park like it before. Palm trees happily seated next to aging connifers, more fountains than minnesota has got lakes, and some random glass structures that brought me to tears (That might be from the fact that everyone seems to smoke the most acrid tobacco they can get their hands on).
Another thing about this park is that there are workers EVERYWHERE. Maintenance is taken very seriously. Fashion is rather the opposite it seems.
I peed in public. Why you ask? Because I drank a 1.5 L bottle of water in about 10 mintues, then had a calamari sandwich and a coke, and after 2 hours of walking, had no choice.
once the interweb can be used in conjunction with my computer the posts will get much more nutrageous, until then, I love you all.
Radiator; Better than I had ever remembered it being, but then again I used to listen to it before I smoked weed, or begin to ponder the possibility of making truly half decent recordings. Wow, this is a truly must listen to album. SFA-RAYD8TR
That band Animal Collective is becoming wildly popular among the young folks of the greater United States metropolitan collectives. They are really good, and their spin-off projects are also very listen worthy. Animal Collective's Strawberry Jam
West Virginian Men's High School Basketball State Championships are a funny thing when your best friend gets ejected for excessive celebration after a dunk. Getting in a knife fight at a bar that ultimately results in being picked as the last pick in the first-round of what is pegged as one of the most intriguing draft classes of the new millennium might seem unfortunate at first, but looking back at the overall journey shows how it could not have happened any other way. Guys with high character tend to transmit their tendencies on to the troubled minds who fill up 12th, 13th and sometimes even starting roster spots. This is the Boston Celtics in 2009: Can a winning formula be improved upon? Is there such thing as a winning formula in sports? Will Bill Simmons find a new and amusing way to crush my soul?
With that in mind, I will pontificate the near future of your 2007-2008 NBA champs:
There is no reason Boston shouldn't win the Atlantic Division, handily, thereby giving them a good shot at pole position again for a serious playoff run.
Will their old core stay healthy enough all season? -Many a sportswriter has taken issue with the erratic substitution "patterns" that Coach Rivers employs. I must agree; consistency cannot come from inconsistency. I think there is a good chance that the regular seasons comes up all roses for the C's this year, but the playoffs will be a different matter. Also, there will be less mercenaries showing up this time around, with guaranteed roster spots for Bill Walker and J.R. Giddens. The ghost of Scot Pollard just pawned his championship ring for a Rita's Water Ice.
Will the young players continue developing at such a high level? -Everyone has been sleeping on the progress of Glen Davis; I, for one, think he is due for a great statistical season. What about our fine friend Tony Allen, another athletic, hard-working wing who will most likely work his way back in to the rotation. Rondo, while never entering the Paul/Williams PG debate, can continue to flash hardware and laugh all the way to the bank. Kendrick Perkins is entering his 5th season, yowza. The rookies, if healthy, should get a nice insulted, loving, ubuntu-infused environment by which to show their stuff. Gayness abounds.
Why is Boston so easily vilified? -The oppressive waves of national advertising campaigns aimed at deifying KG and his cohorts that any regular NBA viewer was subject to had the opposite effect on most people I knew, not from New England. The only epic aspect to that title run was the way in which they gave games away to lesser teams. No matter what anyone says ATL had no business even trying to compete in that first series. It's easy to rally behind so many other NBA squads, for chrissakes I was cheering for the Lakers in June, anything is possible for non-Boston fans looking to reconcile the anger in their petty, jealous hearts.
Not a Nas Remix or any other fine work you might find on the internet, but rather Barack Obama's buzzword that I find the funniest. Consider the spanish translation: Esperanza. Esperar means to wait, and therefore the very nature of hope, of faith is waiting, with the knowledge that soon the dream will come true.
Is incredibly short. But his presence is enormous. Does this mean he can be a true little big man? Perhaps I'm spouting nonsense, but Jason Maxiell gives me similar conniptions; he solves the riddle of how to be a 6' 8" (in shoes) shot-blocking force in the NBA.
Andres Lenstra, former Statistics professor at Oberlin College, loves women. With that in mind, here's a gift that all mankind can appreciate on Holiday:
I'm not saying you should dl albums illegally, but there are many ways to support the arts. Buying the record is a start, but what about other aspects of fanhood?
-T-Shirts (Make your own kickass design and get other people excited about it) -Tattoos (Mainly on one's neck) -Fathead? (See for yourself) -youtube? Uhhh... ()
Happy Holidays, best wishes to those in the gulf of Mexico; my short photo essay on said location should follow later today.
En el instante en que oprimo el botón para publicar la noticia, empieza la semana de opuestas. Una fiesta inventada para suplicar el proceso de vivir en el extranjero.
Capitals are a funny thing; pretty much every state, but Massachusetts, has a social capital and a political capital. California is no exception to this rule; with LA and San Fran jockeying for position in the race for greatest place ever created, in their opinion, Sacramento lays in the cut, offering mountainous views and a historically high scoring NBA team. Let's take a look at the current roster:
Shareef Abdur-Rahim: One word describes SAR(s?); winner. What's that, you say? How can a guy whose never made it to the playoffs be described as a winner? Well, perhaps I was trying to draw attention towards the senseless accolades that statistics can earn a player who never plays for a playoff team.
Bobby Brown: Yes! My favorite Cal-State Fullerton alum (see earlier highlight video post) has found his way in to the League! I had believed the earlier rumored report of him finding his way on to the Hornets (which, in the absence of Jannero Pargo, would have been a great fit as an energy guy who can handle the rock), but am glad to see him not having to stray too far from his California roots. My arbitrary affection for his game has no specific origins, other than his eerie similarity to a certain entertainer/basketball player, or maybe I'm spouting nonsense again:
Quincy Douby: I doubylieve!(Douby was a state-wide hero circa 2004 for his heroics in the NIT) In an ideal world, QD would be playing serious minutes for an NJ Nets team in the East. Let me reiterate how much I hate the Keyon Dooling signing; the Nets are destined to compete for Least improved team this season.
Francisco Garcia: Dominicano! Great range on his jumper, can play minutes at the point and at the three. Is the primary caretaker for his entire family, like many nba players, and therefore is excused for not fully living up to his potential as a light-skinned scoring machine of hate, minus the hate part probably. Probably spends his summers working the cash register at Mcdowell's.
Donté Greene: Aaron Bobis once recanted me a tale of how he had lost the once firm grip on his sanity due to Greene's incalculably bad shot selection. How a 6-11 forward with above average athleticism can have trouble finding better shots than fadeaway 24 footers is a question for the ages. He certainly is no upgrade over Ron-Ron, but is he even an upgrade on Kenny Thomas? What's up with all the moron fuck Rockets fans who went apeshit over a summer league game when he dropped buckets? Ain't shit!
Or maybe he'll prove all the critics wrong and develop into a serious player.
Spencer Hawes: The Pacific Northwest's other white meat:
Bobby Jackson: Thirty seven THOUSAND puff pieces later, BJ is back to get blown in his old stomping grounds. Who could forget the instant offense Jackson provided to those terribly talented Kings squads of the late nineties and early new millenium? Motherfucker could stroke!
Kevin Martin: Well on his way to becoming the Alex English of our time. Super K, as I like to call him since he is a refurbished K-Mart, has a Faust-like trajectory; a man with powers he is only now starting to command and fully understand. He shoots a high percentage, gets to the free-throw line, has the potential to be an elite on ball defender, hell he even makes his teammates better. That said, his contributions can seem numbingly consistent at times. And he's never been an important piece for a playoff team.
Brad Miller: Redrab Illm; the first anagram that came to mind that makes his injury plagued years of recent memory more forgivable if we thought of him as a Serbian refugee. Anywho, Miller is a rare passing big who can stroke mid-rangers all day and still get inside to the dirty work rebounding. I don't understand why he doesn't get more touches, but I am also an idiot.
Mikki Moore: Like many fantasy basketball GM's who struggled through the injury plagued campaign of 2006, I picked up Moore for his occasional double-doubles. Then I found this:
I'm glad I didn't go to school in Nebraska.
John Salmons: Ohh baby! The beard alone earns him many points on my ever tipping scale of bromance for the NBA. Unlike former teammates Guillermo Diaz, Salmons has no problem being the kind of quiet contributor that GM's love. He can play pretty much every position on the floor, and seems to demonstrate a great workmanlike demeanor on the court at all times. He probably likes to smoke marijuana.
Kenny Thomas: The most important piece of the trade that brought so many bright young faces from Philadelphia in order to purge the Central California basketball playing area from the plague that we call C-Webb, in the sense that he now never plays and bucked the trend on undersized 4's while Maxiell was still drinking milk from his Momma's titties.
Jason Thompson: Like most graduating seniors from Rider University, JT has opted to go in to a field not related to his major. He also won't have to sell bags of Mexican Oregano to fund field trips to the Lower East Side of Manhattan to ask underage girls if he can buy them a drank. I hope that last sentence doesn't get construed as racist. It's nice to know that NJ can produce more than corn, pollution, Blueberries, Nobel Peace Prize Winners, Tomatoes, Malls and slutty people.
Beno Udrih: Languid, frustrated and silently waiting, Udrih patiently waited for his rookie deal to expire so he could enjoy the fruits of his labor as he has blossomed in to a legit floor general for the Kings. Got to love lefty PG's. His name is fun to say, how can you not root for this guy?
Shelden Williams: Despite his massive forehead, and limited abilities, the "landlord" Shelden Williams is married to Brandy. Maybe that meant something 15 years ago, but last time I checked if you're not banging Beyonce or Rihanna, you don't get to be on the cover of Jet magazine.
Newton, Massachusetts, commonly referred to as "Jewton", is home to many fine dining establishments. While visiting Dave Sokoll, we managed to procure some of the shittiest Chinese food in the history of the world, 68 dollars and 47 cents was enough to get 8 egg rolls, 12 chicken wings, Mabo tofu, Chicken Chow Fun, Ginger Beef, Rice Galore, and scallion pancakes. Gross, because it ended up getting eaten by 4 of us. Good thing there was a passion fruit blunt wrap involved.
Juan Diaz once explained to me that the secret to any successful artist is the ability to entertain both high and low thoughts of the audience (Read: The Beatles). As far as I'm concerned, he is entirely right. I think this description permeates all aspects of the creative spectrum; entertainment is an address to the senses that our everyday lives persistently dull out. To tap in to the infinite merely requires two points that are some finite space apart, creativity is productive for society in a different way than filing someone's tax return, but a contribution nonetheless.
I am not an artist. Though, try as I may, being creative is the only way I feel productive. Can I pay off my student loans, get a studio space together and be a healthy participant in society at large? I think so, it just requires some more extensive planning than I have been attempting to achieve lately.
Why did a family friend encourage me to watch the Graduate again? I think one viewing is enough; Simon and Garfunkel are only palpable in small doses to me. My parents don't have a pool, so I don't lie in it all day. My dad can't grow a mustache, there are no beautiful actresses living in the neighborhood with beautiful daughters my age. Mexico is thousands of miles away. Sure it's scary, knowing that abrupt changes are the only kind in this life of ours.
Walking through the mud is nice when you expect to shower shortly afterward, the opposite is probably true as well, that being the knowledge that the frequency of bathing isn't as important as the act itself.
What's the plan for tonight? Go outside and live a little. Shake the maracas, rock the show.
Is the point of the blog that the internet should be more communal, if only, because we have been swallowed by the sway of instant gratification, the written word, translated in our minds as an extension of their very existence. I don't know, but it feels like the ship was sinking by the time I got on board, but I get progressively worse at swimming in the deep waters.
Go to Grade School Get a Grammar Got one? Reflect, if time you've got otherwise I'm sorry that we had to take that long walk leading to Blue Balls
Leslie Lesley Lesley Stahl Im Stalin like in my procrastination this might translate better in some other language if you get my gist than sing it however you want over this
http://www.sendspace.com/file/cv56ad Copy and Paste
If you go to the eye doctor and tell him that you have been having an "unexplainable bout with red, itchy eyes, and that over-the-counter strength remedies have been unfruitful," he might get you prescription strength ones. Maybe you lied, because you like getting high, but being undetected, because you don't think you're that crazy when you're stoned.
Luol Deng: He got paid, finally. The long-winded contract negotiations between Deng and the Bulls front office had got me to thinking about several things: -How good a year can the Bulls have in 08-09? -Will Deng make an All-Star Game in the next 2 years? -Does he enjoy Joakim Noah's random references to Central New Jersey? I think Deng has all the pieces to become a top-tier player in the NBA, and this might be the year he stays healthy while displaying an improved offensive repertoire. His defensive presence is vastly underrated.
Drew Gooden: Didn't he play SF in college? Or was that just in NCAA 2001 on Playstation? Anywho, Gooden always puts up acceptable numbers, but never seems to generate headlines outside of growing a beard or playing piano(?).
Ben Gordon: BG is the pride of Mount Vernon, NY. He has Ben Gordon Day/Weekend, but there are some things Gordon lacks: Size, consistent defensive effort, distribution skills, or a true position on the floor for a Bulls team that lacks an identity among its glut of guards. So let's hope that BG finds the right situation for his skill set.
Aaron Gray: Pitt Panthers know a thing or two about rivalry: The Big East is rife with inter-collegiate athletic tension. Aaron Gray is currently competing, whether he knows it/likes it or not, with Kevin Love, Spencer Hawes and Brad Miller for the illustrious title of "Great White Hope". White people are running scared, yellow people are everywhere: racism isn't funny, but life is.
Kirk Hinrich: Things didn't work out exactly as planned at Kansas, as Kirk and his buddy Nick Collison could not compete with the Carmelo Anthony led 2003 Syracuse Orange. For Team USA, Hinrich showed his talent and leadership, but it wasn't enough to overtake burgeoning powers such as Greece and Argentina. Last year's Bulls squad, full of expectations, never took off in the slightest; one trade for Larry Hughes and Drew Gooden later, the Bulls are back at square one. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Larry Hughes:
Joakim Noah: Poly Prep produced some great human beings over the last 10 years, most notably Mark Saigh, former first baseman for the Princeton High School Little Tigers. Joakim Noah, armed with a box of camels with a couple of pre-rolled J's, likes to party: Maybe he will be a productive big, maybe Al Horford is ten times the man he is, maybe him and Harry Bornstein will smoke a dutch on LSD.
Andres Nocioni: "Chapo" is one of the most rough and tumble wings in the NBA. You have to love his competitive streak, as well as his ability to rebound in traffic. He has a solid three point stroke to compliment a rather refined offensive repertoire. He just never stays healthy for long enough to be a bona fide star. Time will tell, but he has all the potential to push the Bulls back in to the picture in the East.
Derrick Rose:
Thabo Sefalosha: My NBA fandom hinges entirely on the amount of playing time Thabo Sefalosha gets. More to follow in the coming months.
Cedric Simmons: This big boy is not quite a bruiser, not quite a finesse guy, and therefore not quite ready to play in the NBA consistently.
Tyrus Thomas: Has shown such flashes of defensive brilliance, that the entire mainstream media is praying that Scott Skiles is to blame for his regression during his second year in the league. Will he develop a serious 15 footer? Will he gain the confidence to dunk on everyone? Does he drink from the same cup as Stromile Swift?
Toyota Center here we come! Are we looking at a true contender this year out of Houston? Will Ron Artest be the Brian Eno to T Mac's the Edge? I've got a million questions, let's just get to it.
Rafer Alston: Skip has staked his claim as the true starting point guard for this squad, and with knowledge of that last line in mind, it's abundantly clear to me that there is no way the Rockets make it past the second round of the playoffs this year. His handle, three point shot, and quicks (both defensively and offensively) are upper-echelon, but not elite. He's getting older, and we all know that the AND 1 tour never tested for drugs or performance enhancing substances, so his internal organs probably represent those of a 55 year old single mother thrice divorced.
Ron Artest: Finally brandishing the colors of St. John's in a professional setting; while he and Chris Mullin share a plate of Stallone cuts and discuss the performance of the NASDAQ index, they can further review the carnage they and their fellow SJU alums have unleashed upon the league in the recent past. Felipe Lopez convinced the Timberwolves to waste a pick.
I wonder what will happen in a world where Artest is the "emotional" leader of a clubhouse.
Brent Barry: The need for each Barry brother to do watered down versions of what Daddy did continues; Brent will be the 3rd Barry brother to play for the Rockets. He is a vastly underrated defender, and will make this team better in all sorts of small ball ways.
Shane Battier: Used to have enormous swagger in college; he never hesitated to pull up for the gaudiest 35-foot three pointers. That said, Maryland's combo of Lonnie Baxter, Juan Dixon and Steve Blake held it down against the Blue Clown Devils. Battier remembers Adam Hall, he dreams:
Aaron Brooks: Oregon's surprise star is slowly churning like butter in to the point guard of the future for this rising Houston squad. Undersized? Yes. Underrated? I think so. Under Siege? Steven Seagal's masterpiece.
Joey Dorsey: Rebounding machine whose stock has steadily declined since he called out Greg Oden in the NCAA tournament two years ago. Can bring a lot to the table as a back up big, maybe Dikembe Mutombo will teach him about potential for an African Union that shares in the development of resource management for the greater good of all people on the continent.
Steve Francis: Remember Me?
Mike Harris: Wonders why Maurice is getting all this hype over in Salt Lake City, while he quietly contributes to another winning power in the west.
Chuck Hayes: Little Big Man.
Luther Head: Wonders why Deron and Dee got all the hype over in Salt Lake City, while he quietly contributes to another winning power in the west.
Carl Landry: People say he lacks the size of a traditional 4 to be truly effective on a regular basis, but the former second-round pick has shown nothing but consistent effort, with occasional flashes of brilliance.
Maarty Leunen: Reunites with former teammate Brooks. Does everything Novak did, but not as awesome.
Tracy Mcgrady: T Mac still can't get out of the first round. All the highlight reel plays in the world can't buy you a ring. Unless those highlights happen in the playoffs. Tracy's head got gassed the fuck up when he dropped all those buckets on the pistons back in 2004:
Dikembe Mutombo: My pick for President of the Future African Union.
Luis Scola: After watching him play with such remarkably boring efficiency during international competition, I loathed the day when he got signed by an American team. That said, he is a great teammate to these fellows and has the experience, determination and dirty tactics to help get a team through the playoffs. They just need the full compliment for Scola to be truly effective.
Ming, Yao: He's so tall, so fragile, so achingly tender to the touch; as the most ubiquitous international basketball star, currently playing, in the world, he has such larger than life expectations for both himself and the teams he plays for. The weight of the world on his shoulders, he never asked for any of it, yet he is the only player speaking up on important social issues, using his stature and the financial independence the game grants him to pursue life in a way that so few can. So many players, because of their station in life before the big deals, find themselves looking further and further inward as their careers ascend; Yao, perhaps a student of Buddhism, at least more so than myself, can see the nothingness in the self, the injuries, the inability to speak proper English, his freakish size, and instead work towards improving and educating the world that surrounds him.
When I was 17 some ignorant asshole was yelling at me and calling me Yao Ming while I was playing a Varsity Basketball game. Years later, I was playing pickup at Mercer County Park, and a group of aging Black men referred to me as Rafe Lafrentz. While playing for La Universidad Católica de Argentina, I was referred to as "uhhh, ehhh, ohhh, Alex" because the coach didn't really care to learn my actual name. Long story short, a healthy Yao, T-Mac and Artest yield a second round defeat.
Drums are amazing; you've seen the likes of Buddy Rich, Dan Shaugnnessy, and ANIMAL on this silly weblog, but gather round children I've got a story to tell.
In the sleepy suburb of Salisbury, Maryland, I encountered a house of gentlemen with two beautiful drum kits facing each other in the basement. They only drink Natty Bo and I can't complain, in fact you might even say that it is some of the best cheap beer on the planet, if the planet was specifically eastern Maryland.
As we are all chilling in the porch area, we are asked if we want to see the drum set up, and before we know it, there are two kits getting slammed simultaneously. It's an orgy in rhythm, and like the slut that I am, I get my bass and my amp from the car, and make some magic.
Vacation is sweeeeet.
p.s.-NBA players to Europe is almost worse than Favre related speculation.
Everybody is complaining about wires, but what is it about free agency and liberalism that coincide? Are Liberals classicists? In the sense that they blissfully ignore the idea that they too are part of an ignorant mass, unbeknownst to them.
On Tuesday, I witnessed the reunion of Return to Forever, after a 25 year hiatus, and got to see Béla Fleck and The Flecktones play for the first time ever. A quick review:
Lock your windows, close your doors, here comes a Raptor's roster analysis:
Hassan Adams: Great athlete, can play NBA caliber wing defense, never given any burn in a Nets uniform, a mistake in my opinion. Used to be on Sportscenter every night for highlight reel dunks and defense. You gotta wonder where he'll find minutes on this squad, but hopefully he'll find time to provide a few moments of pure filth in garbage time.
Chris Bosh: Predator! Pastafarian! The best internet video creating, mid-range stroking, fast-break finishing, pickle juice drinking motherfucker to ever go from Texas to Canada. Levon Helm would be proud somehow...also, wouldn't it be cool if Bosh liked latter day Wilco recordings? It wouldn't? Ok, I rescind that suggestion.
Jose Calderon: Egad, he is as efficient a lover on the court as any great pass-first point guard. What's this? He is a better shooter than TJ Ford? As far as Spaniard go he is the straw that stirs the drink; wonder what will happen when people realize Ricky Rubio is the product of baby fucking? Making him the clear number one guy was a good move for the younger Colangelo.
QUICK ASIDE: FUCK Mike Krzyzewski's politics.
Joey Graham: I've always liked the way Graham has played the game, ever since he was torching clowns in the Big 12, it seems that he truly has all the tools to be an effective NBA 3, but the system that the Raptors run isn't really his cup of tea. Maybe I'm wrong, but in a world where Brian Cardinal has to suffer the indignities of being ripped apart by every sportswriter in the world for simply getting paid, it's important to remember that we are all entitled to our own opinion, as long as it is an educated one.
Kris Humphries: Thought the Jazz were gonna pick up their option on him, because he is the biggest Whitey in the NBA. A quality 4, with the shiniest forehead in the greater Western Hemisphere, KH is still really young and really talented. Expect a surprise breakout year from him, I'm thinking 12 and 8 with a few spicy blocks to make us all forget about Stan Love's seed.
Nathan Jawai: Hates being compared to young Shaq, you know who should also be annoyed? Greg Oden; how is it that the media is crapping its pants over a workout where he looks like a mountain man and d-bows Channing Frye? Is Channing Frye going to play a single meaningful minute this year with the return of the "Odeon" as I call him?
Jason Kapono: Hopes to continue playing just well enough to make it healthy to the All-Star break where he can once again prove that he would be a perfect edition to any international US squad because of his ability to flat=out shoot the ball. Also, my heart sings with joy when I consider the Phoenix like rebirth of Steve Lavin era UCLA players like Kapono and Matt Barnes, oooh dreamboats.
Jamario Moon:
Jermaine O'Neal: The biggest, blackest Irishman since Morrissey was vying for pop-culture rebounds with Johnny Marr and the rest of the known universe. Is he washed up? New abstract theory; Larry Bird is still in shock over being the president of a team that had a brawl that went up in the stands, and one day slowly realizes Jeff Foster is to blame for all of his problems.
Anthony Parker: Probably worth more money to the Raptors than Carlos Arroyo, would the same be true of Maccabi Tel Aviv? Did he call little sister after her scuffle led to a series of suspensions and another torn ACL for a female athlete? Doubt it. Did he call Karl Malone and tell him to tell Jimmy Kimmel to apologize for his "brown-face" routine? Is Bill Simmons upper-middle class Boston upbringing acceptable when he continues to hurl passive-aggressive racist insults at the NBA? I hope Parker can stop projecting all his hurting over these issues and rise to the occasion of hitting clutch wide open jumpers in the corner and trying to keep his profile decidedly low.
Willie Solomon: Bought every teammate a ticket to go see Stars in Montreal, but the only one who showed was Kris Humphries. I actually have only seen Solomon play like once in my life, and he did not do enough to make me think he'll be anything more than a career backup, but I wish him all the best!
Roko Ukic; Didn't get invited to the Stars show, and is pissed! That lead singer is soooo fine, at least her voice is. Fun fact, Roko is not related in the slightest to the greatest porn star of our word, Rocco. Fun fact #2, J-Zone makes porno soundtracks. Fun fact #3, Pineapple Express was mirthful and absurdist and inevitable.
Oh my, it's time to take a looksie at the least applicable nickname of any team in sports (maybe the LA Lakers take the cake, but I stand by my story) the Utah Jazz.
Morris Almond: All-around good guy, but I can't respect any former college star who managed to get stymied by the likes of Swedish B league rookie and once starting shooting guard for Princeton University Noah Savage while at Rice University. He must be smart, but they said the same thing about Karl Malone and now this is happening!
Carlos Boozer: Despite all the ballyhoo about his double crossing of former Cleveland Cavaliers owner Gordon Gund, Boozer is a really respectable NBA player, family man and one of the least hateable Duke alumni in the known universe (Cherokee Parks takes the cake hands down). Is he a true leader, capable of delivering the kind of performances that get a team deep in to the playoffs? Not in the West he's not.
Ronnie Brewer: David Halberstam's profile of Ron Brewer senior from Breaks of the Game that details a return from a knee injury and his hesitance to "jam" is funny when juxtaposed to the younger Brewer's tendency to throw down the rock (he was in the top 5 in the league in dunks in 2007-08)
Jarron Collins: The original "other" Stanford twin big man brother, nuff said.
Kyrylo Fesenko: Recently bleached his hair, to which Jerry Sloan referred to as "clownish behavior", needs to be more aggressive on defense and offense if he is to be effective in the system. That said, Greg Ostertag left big, awkward shoes to fill, and if anyone is up to the task, anyone at all, it's Fesenko.
Matt Harpring: The pride of Atlanta's northern side, aka where the white people are (sorry Rose, but it's true!), Harpring is strong, athletic and hard working (for a cracker ass cracker). His career has been numbingly consistent with occasional spikes of intrigue, he has a huge chest, the kind you crack walnuts on during the holidays. Probably fucks mad Mormon bitches, and probably will tell you the same.
Andrei Kirilenko: The free pass he gets from his wife is nowhere near as extravagant as the one he gets from his teammates for being a huge bitch.
Brevin Knight: Inevitably, Knight was going to play on this squad, he's the shy, quiet type. There's something about him that has always screamed backup guard for a Jerry Sloan coached offense. No longer has the athleticism to play legit PG defense in the NBA, but he can still distribute quite nicely.
Kyle Korver: Whatever I just said about Matt Harpring, translate it to Iowa, where there are nothing but White basketball playing heroes, with Pierre Pierce playing the villain whether knowingly or not. Probably friends with a mormon named Mason.
Kosta Koufos: He's a big Greek boy from Ohio who can stroke jumpers and play high school post defense at a high level. Could have used like 3 more years of school to have a degree to fall back on, but he'll do just enough to play through his rookie deal and then fall in to some Eastern Conference team in a few years where he will do all the things Dan Gadzuric never could.
Paul Millsap: BEAST. The truest link to the Malone days, in that he also starred at Louisana Tech. Love his motor, his ability to rebound and his underrated high post scoring. Wish he was taller so people would just admit that he's a top talent, same goes for Jason Maxiell, these boys are just as often posterization victims as any other big man 6-8 and up.
Mehmet Okur: Turkish delight! Probably smokes a pack before, during and after each practice/game. Gotta love his shooting touch, his furry eyebrows and his inability to understand even the simplest of English phrases. He's probably more erudite and intelligent than we give him credit for, but he really is a big lug. He's almost too Hanna-Barbara like to be a real human being.
Ronnie Price: Like David Bowie's saxophone playing on Lou Reed's Take a Walk on the Wild Side, Price lays in the cut and needs not be mentioned for he now may find himself as a bit part in a memorable machine. Which can only mean one thing, he does this in practice every day:
Deron Williams: The once and future PG of the franchise; Williams is a true gem of a player. The coinciding development of Chris Paul as elite NBA point guards has been one of the best on court stories to come out of the league in a long time. He has all the tools to be the best, now will he somehow find a way to make his teammates more athletic, intelligent and hard working? Only marijuana can do that unfortunately...
