Lock your windows, close your doors, here comes a Raptor's roster analysis:
Hassan Adams: Great athlete, can play NBA caliber wing defense, never given any burn in a Nets uniform, a mistake in my opinion. Used to be on Sportscenter every night for highlight reel dunks and defense. You gotta wonder where he'll find minutes on this squad, but hopefully he'll find time to provide a few moments of pure filth in garbage time.
Andrea Bargnani: I feel like the big knock on Andrea is that he is supposed to become some mutant hybrid of Dirk Nowitzki and (a young) Arvydas Sabonis and that all the media does is try to find a way to stop his Icarus-like flights of fancy free bombing and weak-side rebounding. Anyhoo, at least people in America only have room for three Italian athletes in their hearts at any given time, giving Bargnani a rare opportunity as a former number one pick to develop out of the glaring judgmental spotlight,therefore as it currently stands:
Chris Bosh: Predator! Pastafarian! The best internet video creating, mid-range stroking, fast-break finishing, pickle juice drinking motherfucker to ever go from Texas to Canada. Levon Helm would be proud somehow...also, wouldn't it be cool if Bosh liked latter day Wilco recordings? It wouldn't? Ok, I rescind that suggestion.
Jose Calderon: Egad, he is as efficient a lover on the court as any great pass-first point guard. What's this? He is a better shooter than TJ Ford? As far as Spaniard go he is the straw that stirs the drink; wonder what will happen when people realize Ricky Rubio is the product of baby fucking? Making him the clear number one guy was a good move for the younger Colangelo.
QUICK ASIDE: FUCK Mike Krzyzewski's politics.
Joey Graham: I've always liked the way Graham has played the game, ever since he was torching clowns in the Big 12, it seems that he truly has all the tools to be an effective NBA 3, but the system that the Raptors run isn't really his cup of tea. Maybe I'm wrong, but in a world where Brian Cardinal has to suffer the indignities of being ripped apart by every sportswriter in the world for simply getting paid, it's important to remember that we are all entitled to our own opinion, as long as it is an educated one.
Kris Humphries: Thought the Jazz were gonna pick up their option on him, because he is the biggest Whitey in the NBA. A quality 4, with the shiniest forehead in the greater Western Hemisphere, KH is still really young and really talented. Expect a surprise breakout year from him, I'm thinking 12 and 8 with a few spicy blocks to make us all forget about Stan Love's seed.
Nathan Jawai: Hates being compared to young Shaq, you know who should also be annoyed? Greg Oden; how is it that the media is crapping its pants over a workout where he looks like a mountain man and d-bows Channing Frye? Is Channing Frye going to play a single meaningful minute this year with the return of the "Odeon" as I call him?
Jason Kapono: Hopes to continue playing just well enough to make it healthy to the All-Star break where he can once again prove that he would be a perfect edition to any international US squad because of his ability to flat=out shoot the ball. Also, my heart sings with joy when I consider the Phoenix like rebirth of Steve Lavin era UCLA players like Kapono and Matt Barnes, oooh dreamboats.
Jamario Moon:
Jermaine O'Neal: The biggest, blackest Irishman since Morrissey was vying for pop-culture rebounds with Johnny Marr and the rest of the known universe. Is he washed up? New abstract theory; Larry Bird is still in shock over being the president of a team that had a brawl that went up in the stands, and one day slowly realizes Jeff Foster is to blame for all of his problems.
Anthony Parker: Probably worth more money to the Raptors than Carlos Arroyo, would the same be true of Maccabi Tel Aviv? Did he call little sister after her scuffle led to a series of suspensions and another torn ACL for a female athlete? Doubt it. Did he call Karl Malone and tell him to tell Jimmy Kimmel to apologize for his "brown-face" routine? Is Bill Simmons upper-middle class Boston upbringing acceptable when he continues to hurl passive-aggressive racist insults at the NBA? I hope Parker can stop projecting all his hurting over these issues and rise to the occasion of hitting clutch wide open jumpers in the corner and trying to keep his profile decidedly low.
Willie Solomon: Bought every teammate a ticket to go see Stars in Montreal, but the only one who showed was Kris Humphries. I actually have only seen Solomon play like once in my life, and he did not do enough to make me think he'll be anything more than a career backup, but I wish him all the best!
Roko Ukic; Didn't get invited to the Stars show, and is pissed! That lead singer is soooo fine, at least her voice is. Fun fact, Roko is not related in the slightest to the greatest porn star of our word, Rocco. Fun fact #2, J-Zone makes porno soundtracks. Fun fact #3, Pineapple Express was mirthful and absurdist and inevitable.
Oh Canada...
2008/08/07
Shattered Dreams
To all my creative friends in the known universe:
Don't stop whatever you're doing because of temporary frustrations. It will all be fine.
Don't stop whatever you're doing because of temporary frustrations. It will all be fine.
2008/08/05
2008/08/04
Utah Jazz
Oh my, it's time to take a looksie at the least applicable nickname of any team in sports (maybe the LA Lakers take the cake, but I stand by my story) the Utah Jazz.
Morris Almond: All-around good guy, but I can't respect any former college star who managed to get stymied by the likes of Swedish B league rookie and once starting shooting guard for Princeton University Noah Savage while at Rice University. He must be smart, but they said the same thing about Karl Malone and now this is happening!
Carlos Boozer: Despite all the ballyhoo about his double crossing of former Cleveland Cavaliers owner Gordon Gund, Boozer is a really respectable NBA player, family man and one of the least hateable Duke alumni in the known universe (Cherokee Parks takes the cake hands down). Is he a true leader, capable of delivering the kind of performances that get a team deep in to the playoffs? Not in the West he's not.
Ronnie Brewer: David Halberstam's profile of Ron Brewer senior from Breaks of the Game that details a return from a knee injury and his hesitance to "jam" is funny when juxtaposed to the younger Brewer's tendency to throw down the rock (he was in the top 5 in the league in dunks in 2007-08)
Jarron Collins: The original "other" Stanford twin big man brother, nuff said.
Kyrylo Fesenko: Recently bleached his hair, to which Jerry Sloan referred to as "clownish behavior", needs to be more aggressive on defense and offense if he is to be effective in the system. That said, Greg Ostertag left big, awkward shoes to fill, and if anyone is up to the task, anyone at all, it's Fesenko.
Matt Harpring: The pride of Atlanta's northern side, aka where the white people are (sorry Rose, but it's true!), Harpring is strong, athletic and hard working (for a cracker ass cracker). His career has been numbingly consistent with occasional spikes of intrigue, he has a huge chest, the kind you crack walnuts on during the holidays. Probably fucks mad Mormon bitches, and probably will tell you the same.
Andrei Kirilenko: The free pass he gets from his wife is nowhere near as extravagant as the one he gets from his teammates for being a huge bitch.
Brevin Knight: Inevitably, Knight was going to play on this squad, he's the shy, quiet type. There's something about him that has always screamed backup guard for a Jerry Sloan coached offense. No longer has the athleticism to play legit PG defense in the NBA, but he can still distribute quite nicely.
Kyle Korver: Whatever I just said about Matt Harpring, translate it to Iowa, where there are nothing but White basketball playing heroes, with Pierre Pierce playing the villain whether knowingly or not. Probably friends with a mormon named Mason.
Kosta Koufos: He's a big Greek boy from Ohio who can stroke jumpers and play high school post defense at a high level. Could have used like 3 more years of school to have a degree to fall back on, but he'll do just enough to play through his rookie deal and then fall in to some Eastern Conference team in a few years where he will do all the things Dan Gadzuric never could.
Paul Millsap: BEAST. The truest link to the Malone days, in that he also starred at Louisana Tech. Love his motor, his ability to rebound and his underrated high post scoring. Wish he was taller so people would just admit that he's a top talent, same goes for Jason Maxiell, these boys are just as often posterization victims as any other big man 6-8 and up.
Mehmet Okur: Turkish delight! Probably smokes a pack before, during and after each practice/game. Gotta love his shooting touch, his furry eyebrows and his inability to understand even the simplest of English phrases. He's probably more erudite and intelligent than we give him credit for, but he really is a big lug. He's almost too Hanna-Barbara like to be a real human being.
Ronnie Price: Like David Bowie's saxophone playing on Lou Reed's Take a Walk on the Wild Side, Price lays in the cut and needs not be mentioned for he now may find himself as a bit part in a memorable machine. Which can only mean one thing, he does this in practice every day:
Deron Williams: The once and future PG of the franchise; Williams is a true gem of a player. The coinciding development of Chris Paul as elite NBA point guards has been one of the best on court stories to come out of the league in a long time. He has all the tools to be the best, now will he somehow find a way to make his teammates more athletic, intelligent and hard working? Only marijuana can do that unfortunately...
Morris Almond: All-around good guy, but I can't respect any former college star who managed to get stymied by the likes of Swedish B league rookie and once starting shooting guard for Princeton University Noah Savage while at Rice University. He must be smart, but they said the same thing about Karl Malone and now this is happening!
Carlos Boozer: Despite all the ballyhoo about his double crossing of former Cleveland Cavaliers owner Gordon Gund, Boozer is a really respectable NBA player, family man and one of the least hateable Duke alumni in the known universe (Cherokee Parks takes the cake hands down). Is he a true leader, capable of delivering the kind of performances that get a team deep in to the playoffs? Not in the West he's not.
Ronnie Brewer: David Halberstam's profile of Ron Brewer senior from Breaks of the Game that details a return from a knee injury and his hesitance to "jam" is funny when juxtaposed to the younger Brewer's tendency to throw down the rock (he was in the top 5 in the league in dunks in 2007-08)
Jarron Collins: The original "other" Stanford twin big man brother, nuff said.
Kyrylo Fesenko: Recently bleached his hair, to which Jerry Sloan referred to as "clownish behavior", needs to be more aggressive on defense and offense if he is to be effective in the system. That said, Greg Ostertag left big, awkward shoes to fill, and if anyone is up to the task, anyone at all, it's Fesenko.
Matt Harpring: The pride of Atlanta's northern side, aka where the white people are (sorry Rose, but it's true!), Harpring is strong, athletic and hard working (for a cracker ass cracker). His career has been numbingly consistent with occasional spikes of intrigue, he has a huge chest, the kind you crack walnuts on during the holidays. Probably fucks mad Mormon bitches, and probably will tell you the same.
Andrei Kirilenko: The free pass he gets from his wife is nowhere near as extravagant as the one he gets from his teammates for being a huge bitch.
Brevin Knight: Inevitably, Knight was going to play on this squad, he's the shy, quiet type. There's something about him that has always screamed backup guard for a Jerry Sloan coached offense. No longer has the athleticism to play legit PG defense in the NBA, but he can still distribute quite nicely.
Kyle Korver: Whatever I just said about Matt Harpring, translate it to Iowa, where there are nothing but White basketball playing heroes, with Pierre Pierce playing the villain whether knowingly or not. Probably friends with a mormon named Mason.
Kosta Koufos: He's a big Greek boy from Ohio who can stroke jumpers and play high school post defense at a high level. Could have used like 3 more years of school to have a degree to fall back on, but he'll do just enough to play through his rookie deal and then fall in to some Eastern Conference team in a few years where he will do all the things Dan Gadzuric never could.
Paul Millsap: BEAST. The truest link to the Malone days, in that he also starred at Louisana Tech. Love his motor, his ability to rebound and his underrated high post scoring. Wish he was taller so people would just admit that he's a top talent, same goes for Jason Maxiell, these boys are just as often posterization victims as any other big man 6-8 and up.
Mehmet Okur: Turkish delight! Probably smokes a pack before, during and after each practice/game. Gotta love his shooting touch, his furry eyebrows and his inability to understand even the simplest of English phrases. He's probably more erudite and intelligent than we give him credit for, but he really is a big lug. He's almost too Hanna-Barbara like to be a real human being.
Ronnie Price: Like David Bowie's saxophone playing on Lou Reed's Take a Walk on the Wild Side, Price lays in the cut and needs not be mentioned for he now may find himself as a bit part in a memorable machine. Which can only mean one thing, he does this in practice every day:
Deron Williams: The once and future PG of the franchise; Williams is a true gem of a player. The coinciding development of Chris Paul as elite NBA point guards has been one of the best on court stories to come out of the league in a long time. He has all the tools to be the best, now will he somehow find a way to make his teammates more athletic, intelligent and hard working? Only marijuana can do that unfortunately...
Pocahontas Round II
Worst Neil slide show this side of the Mississippi, you should see what they got cooking up in Oklahoma.
2008/08/03
2008/08/01
Tub Girl Ain't Got Shit on Me!
Good news: Vomitron made a special guest appearance in the 08540.
Bad news: He overstayed his welcome by like 15 hours.
Manny Ramirez is officially a Dodger. Let's listen to Elliott Smith's take:
Jason Bay is no longer a Pirate, but brings a welcome helping of milquetoast on a team that was getting a little competitive/ethnic in a world that had only known white failures for 86 years.
Bad news: He overstayed his welcome by like 15 hours.
Manny Ramirez is officially a Dodger. Let's listen to Elliott Smith's take:
Jason Bay is no longer a Pirate, but brings a welcome helping of milquetoast on a team that was getting a little competitive/ethnic in a world that had only known white failures for 86 years.
2008/07/31
New York Knickerbockers
Parla Italiano?
Let's take a look at the current NY Knick roster:
Wilson Chandler: Extremely athletic, good instincts going to the basket, still developing his defensive presence, but will most likely flourish in D'Antoni's system.
Mardy Collins: The knock on Collins is that he doesn't do anything well enough; if he can focus on being a distributor and using his height to guard out on the wing, he doesn't need a traditional position.
Jamal Crawford: Those from the great Seattle metropolitan area have many current NBAers to hype up; Brandon Roy and Marvin Williams are the two most immediate examples that come to mind. I never hear you motherfuckers saying a word about your boy from Rainier Beach. Maybe he takes too many bad shots, doesn't rebound, doesn't defend, doesn't pass, and thinks he is worth franchise money to boot, ok there's no bright side to having him be an integral part of your squad, I give up trying.
Eddy Curry: He's got heart alright, even if it may give out at any given moment, and Curry seems poised for a breakout year in which he averages twice as many turnovers as assists, and continues to compile seasonal statistics that have us wondering how he could bring a double-double to the table every night and still be numbingly ineffective. Shaq was a bad fit in Phoenix last season, Eddy Curry is too big to fit himself in to any of the cutesy shapes D'Antoni makes.
Chris Duhon: Much like Green Day's breakthrough release in 1994, Duhon got his big break as a Dukie. He played alongside a fair number of NBA players and often showed poise, athleticism and court vision to spare. His NBA career has been underwhelming, he never seems to be the kind of guy you'd want starting for your team, let alone a playoff bound one. Maybe what he needs is a team that runs and guns and doesn't mind having a little funs too.
Danilo Gallinari: I hope he gets fat, it will help him build character. He kind of reminds me of a Western European Darko Milicic, maybe this means great things since one can only improve by getting playing time. Did he warrant his high lottery selection in the draft? I think so, think about 2010 when the Cablevision/MSG consortia is vying for the hearts and minds of New York's fans against Brooklyn's new look Nets, they need guidos, now and forever, to keep racism alive!
Jerome James:
Jared Jeffries: A former Mr. Basketball of Indiana, Jeffries seems to have earned his contract because Hoosiers (Isiah Thomas) hook it up for other Hoosiers for life. Remember when this motherfucker was getting hyped up in his early days on the Wiz? Jeesssus, let's hope that he offers a hint of offense to compliment his half-decent perimeter defense.
David Lee: Something terrible happened to David Lee while at Florida. I imagine Billly Donovan encouraged Lee to do nothing but grab rebounds and dunk in practice, and would have him watch old Led Zeppelin concert footage while all the Anthony Robersons of the world took jumper after jumper. It's still hard to fathom him defeating James "Flight" White in a dunk contest, but, then again, Crystal Meth has not been a national problem all that long.
Stephon Marbury: I have faith for Starbury. Someone needs to track down the footage of Starbury playing all the characters in a fake interview.
Zach Randolph: Should have crawled back in to the womb at Michigan State when he had the chance...
Quentin Richardson: Reunites with D'Antoni, if he's healthy he's liable to make a fuck ton of 3's. I envision him having a Glen Rice on the Lakers in 2002 kind of year.
Anthony Roberson: At least they didn't sign Matt Walsh...
Nate Robinson: Retired his jersey in Vegas for his Summer league dominance. I hope he can somehow find the courage to be a real NBA player.
Malik Rose: Candidate for getting dunked on the most by Wilson Chandler in practice day in and day out. The prototypical too small power forward.
There you have it, godspeed NY.
Let's take a look at the current NY Knick roster:
Wilson Chandler: Extremely athletic, good instincts going to the basket, still developing his defensive presence, but will most likely flourish in D'Antoni's system.
Mardy Collins: The knock on Collins is that he doesn't do anything well enough; if he can focus on being a distributor and using his height to guard out on the wing, he doesn't need a traditional position.
Jamal Crawford: Those from the great Seattle metropolitan area have many current NBAers to hype up; Brandon Roy and Marvin Williams are the two most immediate examples that come to mind. I never hear you motherfuckers saying a word about your boy from Rainier Beach. Maybe he takes too many bad shots, doesn't rebound, doesn't defend, doesn't pass, and thinks he is worth franchise money to boot, ok there's no bright side to having him be an integral part of your squad, I give up trying.
Eddy Curry: He's got heart alright, even if it may give out at any given moment, and Curry seems poised for a breakout year in which he averages twice as many turnovers as assists, and continues to compile seasonal statistics that have us wondering how he could bring a double-double to the table every night and still be numbingly ineffective. Shaq was a bad fit in Phoenix last season, Eddy Curry is too big to fit himself in to any of the cutesy shapes D'Antoni makes.
Chris Duhon: Much like Green Day's breakthrough release in 1994, Duhon got his big break as a Dukie. He played alongside a fair number of NBA players and often showed poise, athleticism and court vision to spare. His NBA career has been underwhelming, he never seems to be the kind of guy you'd want starting for your team, let alone a playoff bound one. Maybe what he needs is a team that runs and guns and doesn't mind having a little funs too.
Danilo Gallinari: I hope he gets fat, it will help him build character. He kind of reminds me of a Western European Darko Milicic, maybe this means great things since one can only improve by getting playing time. Did he warrant his high lottery selection in the draft? I think so, think about 2010 when the Cablevision/MSG consortia is vying for the hearts and minds of New York's fans against Brooklyn's new look Nets, they need guidos, now and forever, to keep racism alive!
Jerome James:
Jared Jeffries: A former Mr. Basketball of Indiana, Jeffries seems to have earned his contract because Hoosiers (Isiah Thomas) hook it up for other Hoosiers for life. Remember when this motherfucker was getting hyped up in his early days on the Wiz? Jeesssus, let's hope that he offers a hint of offense to compliment his half-decent perimeter defense.
David Lee: Something terrible happened to David Lee while at Florida. I imagine Billly Donovan encouraged Lee to do nothing but grab rebounds and dunk in practice, and would have him watch old Led Zeppelin concert footage while all the Anthony Robersons of the world took jumper after jumper. It's still hard to fathom him defeating James "Flight" White in a dunk contest, but, then again, Crystal Meth has not been a national problem all that long.
Stephon Marbury: I have faith for Starbury. Someone needs to track down the footage of Starbury playing all the characters in a fake interview.
Zach Randolph: Should have crawled back in to the womb at Michigan State when he had the chance...
Quentin Richardson: Reunites with D'Antoni, if he's healthy he's liable to make a fuck ton of 3's. I envision him having a Glen Rice on the Lakers in 2002 kind of year.
Anthony Roberson: At least they didn't sign Matt Walsh...
Nate Robinson: Retired his jersey in Vegas for his Summer league dominance. I hope he can somehow find the courage to be a real NBA player.
Malik Rose: Candidate for getting dunked on the most by Wilson Chandler in practice day in and day out. The prototypical too small power forward.
There you have it, godspeed NY.
Washington Wizards
An exciting offseason indeed! Let's discuss the curerent roster for the Washington Wizards:
Gilbert Arenas: Overexposure leads to increased color bleed in the picture. I have aspirations of an all Gil all-star weekend.
Andray Blatche: Only one way to explain his career so far:
Caron Butler: Whatever the fuck people nicknamed this dude as, Tough Juice, is confusing to me as an outsider to the game of basketball as such. Therefore I will just comment that he is a top-tier favorite player of mine in the association.
Antonio Daniels: Used to be a leaper, still has low to the ground athleticism. Never had elite point skills, but got away with a lot because of how well he moves defensively. Russell Westbrook take note! You're hyper-athletic and have the potential to rise above the standard set by guys like Daniels and a young Jason Kidd.
This when Kidd was still in High School (approaching 20 years ago):
Brendan Haywood: Makes one long for the Kris Lang years at UNC.
Antwan Jamison: Got more pussy at UNC than Brendan Haywood, that's for damn sure.
Javale Mcgee: Is the prototypical feminist.
Dominic Mcguire: Seems to lead an honest life, just happy to be here kind of guy.
Oleksiy Pecherov: Dangerously thin, summers working for Gazprom have not improved his station in life.
Darius Songaila: Lithuanian! He's got something going on, always willing to take the hits inside, likes shooting jumpers, never a great athlete, mediocre defender, decent passer maybe, and mired in mediocre tendencies. Never makes the exciting play, has not the power to do so.
Deshawn Stevenson: Has swagger, miles of it. He is bigger than the American education system as far as I'm concerned. Tracy Morgan and Tracy Mcgrady had a baby and it's name was Baron Davis.
Etan Thomas: Demands that you take him and his rhymes seriously Brendan Haywood!
Nick Young: USC girls were great...Georgetown girls have funny moles...I am an amazing dunker...I am, oh fuck, ten minutes late for practice, was I dreaming? Nope these things are actually probably true.
Gilbert Arenas: Overexposure leads to increased color bleed in the picture. I have aspirations of an all Gil all-star weekend.
Andray Blatche: Only one way to explain his career so far:
Caron Butler: Whatever the fuck people nicknamed this dude as, Tough Juice, is confusing to me as an outsider to the game of basketball as such. Therefore I will just comment that he is a top-tier favorite player of mine in the association.
Antonio Daniels: Used to be a leaper, still has low to the ground athleticism. Never had elite point skills, but got away with a lot because of how well he moves defensively. Russell Westbrook take note! You're hyper-athletic and have the potential to rise above the standard set by guys like Daniels and a young Jason Kidd.
This when Kidd was still in High School (approaching 20 years ago):
Brendan Haywood: Makes one long for the Kris Lang years at UNC.
Antwan Jamison: Got more pussy at UNC than Brendan Haywood, that's for damn sure.
Javale Mcgee: Is the prototypical feminist.
Dominic Mcguire: Seems to lead an honest life, just happy to be here kind of guy.
Oleksiy Pecherov: Dangerously thin, summers working for Gazprom have not improved his station in life.
Darius Songaila: Lithuanian! He's got something going on, always willing to take the hits inside, likes shooting jumpers, never a great athlete, mediocre defender, decent passer maybe, and mired in mediocre tendencies. Never makes the exciting play, has not the power to do so.
Deshawn Stevenson: Has swagger, miles of it. He is bigger than the American education system as far as I'm concerned. Tracy Morgan and Tracy Mcgrady had a baby and it's name was Baron Davis.
Etan Thomas: Demands that you take him and his rhymes seriously Brendan Haywood!
Nick Young: USC girls were great...Georgetown girls have funny moles...I am an amazing dunker...I am, oh fuck, ten minutes late for practice, was I dreaming? Nope these things are actually probably true.
2008/07/30
Artest
Wow.
The Rockets might be a contender finally. Any Syracuse fan will tell you that Donte Greene is a fucking bum. Any St. Johns fan will tell you Ron Artest is a great man. Pacers fans try to remain mum, it's the midwest after all!
Kings get:
Bobby Jackson
Donte Greene
2009 First Round Selection (Unprotected)
Rockets get:
Ron Artest
The Rockets don't pick up any lousy contracts (maybe Artest's) in the process and don't really lose a lot of depth at the guard position. Is Aaron Brooks the pure point Daryl Morey and Rick Adelman think he is? I somehow doubt it, but lets take a look at a potential starting five for the Rockets in 2008-2009:
PG-Rafer Alston/Aaron Brooks
SG-Tracy Mcgrady
SF-Ron Artest
PF-Shane Battier
C-Yao Ming
Wow.
The Rockets might be a contender finally. Any Syracuse fan will tell you that Donte Greene is a fucking bum. Any St. Johns fan will tell you Ron Artest is a great man. Pacers fans try to remain mum, it's the midwest after all!
Kings get:
Bobby Jackson
Donte Greene
2009 First Round Selection (Unprotected)
Rockets get:
Ron Artest
The Rockets don't pick up any lousy contracts (maybe Artest's) in the process and don't really lose a lot of depth at the guard position. Is Aaron Brooks the pure point Daryl Morey and Rick Adelman think he is? I somehow doubt it, but lets take a look at a potential starting five for the Rockets in 2008-2009:
PG-Rafer Alston/Aaron Brooks
SG-Tracy Mcgrady
SF-Ron Artest
PF-Shane Battier
C-Yao Ming
Wow.
2008/07/29
Concert Sound
Best free agent signing of the summer so far? Matt Barnes to the Phoenix Suns.
Worst free agent signing of the summer so far? Keyon Dooling to the New Jersey Nets.
Let's analyze the current nets roster:
Maurice Ager: One of my favorite Michigan State alumni ever, he killed it in college, and, despite showing flashes of promise, was never given enough burn in Dallas nor as of late under Lawrence Frank. He also seems to be a disciple of the Vince Carter school of in game consistency; a bad sign when you don't have the tools at your disposal that VC does.
Ryan Andersen: Feel good story of the Willenium, the formerly doughy Andersen worked his ass off to become the PAC-10's leading scorer last year. He can stroke on his jumper, an asset that becomes even more valuable with the departure of both Boki Nachbar and Nenad Krstic. He also seems soft, still, despite his hard numbers. I can only hope that he and Matt Frieje never meet, unless it's to speak up against the injustices in Darfur, or to be endorsed by a new line of clothes for tall, white men.
Josh Boone: He is the former bane of so many a UConn fan's existences, but has so much damn potential. Him and Hilton Armstrong might spend the rest of their careers getting dunked on, but at least Boone should be able to be a solid contributor on a nightly basis. If rumors are true that he learned to shoot from past 8 feet out, anything goes for this Nets team. A true first round playoff exit kind of Power Forward.
Vince Carter: Remember in 2005 when Toronto sold Carter off for what eventually amounted to Rob Babcock getting himself a nice severance payment? All of the sudden VC is the alpha male, veteran leader on this squad; this could mean terrible things for the forseeable future. With consistent effort, poise, and a regained swagger that terrifies defenders (Authors Note: We are in fact, fucked) we could make it all the way to the second round, only to see J.R. Giddens, as Boston's 12th man, outplay our entire starting 5.
Keyon Dooling: KEYON DOOLING?!?!?!?!?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! WHY?!?!!?!? How are people like Tyronn Lue, Keyon Dooling, and Anthony Johnson in the NBA? Just bring in a young player who can shoot, Pierre Pierce anybody?, and has athleticism, and size and maybe you can be an effective team at cost! I'm pretty sure Peter Jackson is a racist son of a bitch, but Dooling eerily resembles an Orc I saw in one of those LOTR movies.
Chris Douglas-Roberts: YES! YES! YES! CDR is my hero; beyond clutch missed free throws (I'm looking at you D. Rose) this man has enough swagger to make up for Boone's shoegazing tendencies. CDR:J Boone::Dipset:My Bloody Valentine. He is stronger and more athletic in game than most people think, and he can straight up drop buckets. He's a scorer, he's a creator, he's an on ball defender, and all of these things are mitigated by the Keyon Dooling signing!!! AAAHHHHH!!!!
Devin Harris: Madison, Wisconsin is a scary place, if you know what I'm talking about then we can leave it at that. Anyhow, this Harris boy is a whirling dervish of an uptempo point guard. I love his athleticism and his ever improving mid-range game. We can't ride his coattails to prominence until he can be a smaller cog in the machine; he doesn't have the pure passing skills of Kidd, let alone Kendall Gill, but he can be extremely effective with the right kind of players around him, namely CDR.
Trenton Hassel: Much like his namesake, the capital of The Garden State, señor Hassel has been continuously grinding out solid on ball defense and occasionally knocking down uncontested jumpers since KG was a teenage phenom up in Minnesota. I would like to think of him as a glue guy, but his history is marred by having played on so many mediocre teams.
Jarvis Hayes: Loved him on the Wizards, liked him on the Pistons, hoping for the best with the Nets. He's always seemed like an old soul in the NBA, a gunner on par with the best in the game when he's got it together. He brings a lot to the table with his combination of size and scoring at the wing position, but he also finds himself in a somewhat silly logjam that might even make Bunny Lebowski blush. If Bill Simmons is actually right about anything it's the idea of removing a seeming star from a team and then watching that team ascend to much greater heights than ever achieved while said player was healthy and supposedly dominant, Patrick Ewing and the 1999 Knicks is a great example, even if Boston fans are the worst fans that ever lived, I forgive you, but I will never refer to him as the Sports Guy ever again after this sentence, because fuck big market fans.
Brook Lopez: Robin will be better; what does this mean for Brook? For starters, which he might be given the departure of Krstic to Russia, there doesn't seem to be anything about this guy that is outstanding. Underwhelmed is the impression most PAC-!0 fans give me after watching Stanford the last couple of years. Will Sean Williams bring out the beast in Brook by switching out his mama's titty milk for a bong rip or two? I sure hope so, because you can't teach height and post-presence. Lopez will be an upgrade to Krstic defensively, offense is a wait and see sort of transition with so much of the roster being overhauled in the offseason, only time will tell.
Eduardo Najera: The biggest Mexican that ever played in the NBA. I love Eduardo Najera so very much, because he embodies the spirit of so many hard working Americans, whether they are in this country legally or not. His shooting is underrated, anyone who saw him playing in Denver had to see that it was impossible for anyone to have a competent offensive game while AI and Carmelo Anthony shared court space. Isn't it weird that Denver is rehashing what they did almost thirty years ago to the T: High scoring, no defense, often maligned flashy stars? Perhaps Linas Kleiza is the missing link.
Bobby Simmons: Number one question mark coming in to the season; what Bobby Simmons did the Nets trade for? Was he only good because he was playing in a contract year for a strangely competitive LA Clipper team, and with a lot of hype from certain media members with a particular interest (Ahem, Simmons' borderline swimfan like crush on him), or will he actually persevere the slew of injuries and bad press that seem to have derailed a career on the rise? Is 100% healthy? Can he bring it at the swingman position in a way that will help this squad? Is he going to put up ill advised threes? Will there be any room for any more ill-advised threes with VC, Maurice Ager, Eduardo Najera, Jarvis Hayes, Devina Harris, Trenton Hassel and Yi all one team to boot? Uh-Oh.
Stromile Swift: The kind of player that cause old Jewish men to "Feh" in disgust, Swift has spent the greater part of his Basketball career building us up, only to drop us 30 stories down. Why doesn't his superior athleticism at the 4 get the job done? Maybe because he is a self-aggrandizing moron. Remember that bird call shit he used to do? Fuck, get this guy off the roster immediately before I start liking him.
Peep the hand gesture post dunk, he still does it!!!!
Keith Van Horn:
Sean Williams:
Yi Jianlin: Finally, Yi gets exposed to the Chinese saturated market he (and the powers that control him) crave. He can be a hero to the millions of yellow men in the greater New York metropolitan area who crave a true basketball playing hero. So let's take a look at what Yi can do for you and me:
Dunk on people regardless of their race:
Make Andrew Bogut look like he's worth a lot less than that contract extension:
Speak English?:
Oh well, we're not the Knicks:
Worst free agent signing of the summer so far? Keyon Dooling to the New Jersey Nets.
Let's analyze the current nets roster:
Maurice Ager: One of my favorite Michigan State alumni ever, he killed it in college, and, despite showing flashes of promise, was never given enough burn in Dallas nor as of late under Lawrence Frank. He also seems to be a disciple of the Vince Carter school of in game consistency; a bad sign when you don't have the tools at your disposal that VC does.
Ryan Andersen: Feel good story of the Willenium, the formerly doughy Andersen worked his ass off to become the PAC-10's leading scorer last year. He can stroke on his jumper, an asset that becomes even more valuable with the departure of both Boki Nachbar and Nenad Krstic. He also seems soft, still, despite his hard numbers. I can only hope that he and Matt Frieje never meet, unless it's to speak up against the injustices in Darfur, or to be endorsed by a new line of clothes for tall, white men.
Josh Boone: He is the former bane of so many a UConn fan's existences, but has so much damn potential. Him and Hilton Armstrong might spend the rest of their careers getting dunked on, but at least Boone should be able to be a solid contributor on a nightly basis. If rumors are true that he learned to shoot from past 8 feet out, anything goes for this Nets team. A true first round playoff exit kind of Power Forward.
Vince Carter: Remember in 2005 when Toronto sold Carter off for what eventually amounted to Rob Babcock getting himself a nice severance payment? All of the sudden VC is the alpha male, veteran leader on this squad; this could mean terrible things for the forseeable future. With consistent effort, poise, and a regained swagger that terrifies defenders (Authors Note: We are in fact, fucked) we could make it all the way to the second round, only to see J.R. Giddens, as Boston's 12th man, outplay our entire starting 5.
Keyon Dooling: KEYON DOOLING?!?!?!?!?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! WHY?!?!!?!? How are people like Tyronn Lue, Keyon Dooling, and Anthony Johnson in the NBA? Just bring in a young player who can shoot, Pierre Pierce anybody?, and has athleticism, and size and maybe you can be an effective team at cost! I'm pretty sure Peter Jackson is a racist son of a bitch, but Dooling eerily resembles an Orc I saw in one of those LOTR movies.
Chris Douglas-Roberts: YES! YES! YES! CDR is my hero; beyond clutch missed free throws (I'm looking at you D. Rose) this man has enough swagger to make up for Boone's shoegazing tendencies. CDR:J Boone::Dipset:My Bloody Valentine. He is stronger and more athletic in game than most people think, and he can straight up drop buckets. He's a scorer, he's a creator, he's an on ball defender, and all of these things are mitigated by the Keyon Dooling signing!!! AAAHHHHH!!!!
Devin Harris: Madison, Wisconsin is a scary place, if you know what I'm talking about then we can leave it at that. Anyhow, this Harris boy is a whirling dervish of an uptempo point guard. I love his athleticism and his ever improving mid-range game. We can't ride his coattails to prominence until he can be a smaller cog in the machine; he doesn't have the pure passing skills of Kidd, let alone Kendall Gill, but he can be extremely effective with the right kind of players around him, namely CDR.
Trenton Hassel: Much like his namesake, the capital of The Garden State, señor Hassel has been continuously grinding out solid on ball defense and occasionally knocking down uncontested jumpers since KG was a teenage phenom up in Minnesota. I would like to think of him as a glue guy, but his history is marred by having played on so many mediocre teams.
Jarvis Hayes: Loved him on the Wizards, liked him on the Pistons, hoping for the best with the Nets. He's always seemed like an old soul in the NBA, a gunner on par with the best in the game when he's got it together. He brings a lot to the table with his combination of size and scoring at the wing position, but he also finds himself in a somewhat silly logjam that might even make Bunny Lebowski blush. If Bill Simmons is actually right about anything it's the idea of removing a seeming star from a team and then watching that team ascend to much greater heights than ever achieved while said player was healthy and supposedly dominant, Patrick Ewing and the 1999 Knicks is a great example, even if Boston fans are the worst fans that ever lived, I forgive you, but I will never refer to him as the Sports Guy ever again after this sentence, because fuck big market fans.
Brook Lopez: Robin will be better; what does this mean for Brook? For starters, which he might be given the departure of Krstic to Russia, there doesn't seem to be anything about this guy that is outstanding. Underwhelmed is the impression most PAC-!0 fans give me after watching Stanford the last couple of years. Will Sean Williams bring out the beast in Brook by switching out his mama's titty milk for a bong rip or two? I sure hope so, because you can't teach height and post-presence. Lopez will be an upgrade to Krstic defensively, offense is a wait and see sort of transition with so much of the roster being overhauled in the offseason, only time will tell.
Eduardo Najera: The biggest Mexican that ever played in the NBA. I love Eduardo Najera so very much, because he embodies the spirit of so many hard working Americans, whether they are in this country legally or not. His shooting is underrated, anyone who saw him playing in Denver had to see that it was impossible for anyone to have a competent offensive game while AI and Carmelo Anthony shared court space. Isn't it weird that Denver is rehashing what they did almost thirty years ago to the T: High scoring, no defense, often maligned flashy stars? Perhaps Linas Kleiza is the missing link.
Bobby Simmons: Number one question mark coming in to the season; what Bobby Simmons did the Nets trade for? Was he only good because he was playing in a contract year for a strangely competitive LA Clipper team, and with a lot of hype from certain media members with a particular interest (Ahem, Simmons' borderline swimfan like crush on him), or will he actually persevere the slew of injuries and bad press that seem to have derailed a career on the rise? Is 100% healthy? Can he bring it at the swingman position in a way that will help this squad? Is he going to put up ill advised threes? Will there be any room for any more ill-advised threes with VC, Maurice Ager, Eduardo Najera, Jarvis Hayes, Devina Harris, Trenton Hassel and Yi all one team to boot? Uh-Oh.
Stromile Swift: The kind of player that cause old Jewish men to "Feh" in disgust, Swift has spent the greater part of his Basketball career building us up, only to drop us 30 stories down. Why doesn't his superior athleticism at the 4 get the job done? Maybe because he is a self-aggrandizing moron. Remember that bird call shit he used to do? Fuck, get this guy off the roster immediately before I start liking him.
Peep the hand gesture post dunk, he still does it!!!!
Keith Van Horn:
Sean Williams:
Yi Jianlin: Finally, Yi gets exposed to the Chinese saturated market he (and the powers that control him) crave. He can be a hero to the millions of yellow men in the greater New York metropolitan area who crave a true basketball playing hero. So let's take a look at what Yi can do for you and me:
Dunk on people regardless of their race:
Make Andrew Bogut look like he's worth a lot less than that contract extension:
Speak English?:
Oh well, we're not the Knicks:
La estación está vacía
Change the channel!
New plan, coming in August 2008: The port wine grind goes bilingual, coming available to you in Spanish.
-Alex
New plan, coming in August 2008: The port wine grind goes bilingual, coming available to you in Spanish.
-Alex
2008/07/28
I say hooray
Mixed bag number 1:
A half eaten candybar, a tamagachi pet, all 4 colors of Zach Stern's hair, an "old" iPhone, Ted Williams thawed right eyeball, 30 mg perkisetts, Sharkula.
Fanta is like low grade meth if you're from some place outside of Mexico.
Root Beer is the new Fanta.
Striped Sea Bass
Vine Ripened Tomatoes
Words on a Page
I wanna to drop out of school and do drugs.-Moose Terry
Mike Lowell, Boriqua.
Cation mixed bag of musical pleasures
A half eaten candybar, a tamagachi pet, all 4 colors of Zach Stern's hair, an "old" iPhone, Ted Williams thawed right eyeball, 30 mg perkisetts, Sharkula.
Fanta is like low grade meth if you're from some place outside of Mexico.
Root Beer is the new Fanta.
Striped Sea Bass
Vine Ripened Tomatoes
Words on a Page
I wanna to drop out of school and do drugs.-Moose Terry
Mike Lowell, Boriqua.
Cation mixed bag of musical pleasures
2008/07/27
Autoreferential
http://lennonchords.info/
Wow, somebody likes that guy a lot. You know what discussion will never cease? The questions of chemistry and cohesion that involve those lads from Liverpool circa 1961. Even if Paul McCartney is just a syrupy reduction of his balsamic vinegar Beatles-era self, you gotta give the guy some credit as a musician; he was kept in check by the sheer swagger Lennon and Harrison could display. It's remarkable that Mccartney fell apart musically, at least from pushing the envelope, when he became more focused on parenting and being a good husband; Wings is garbage, yes I said it!
Margaret Cho's own show was amazing; Tera Pyle you've met your match!
What the fuck is this world coming to?!?!?!?
Wow, somebody likes that guy a lot. You know what discussion will never cease? The questions of chemistry and cohesion that involve those lads from Liverpool circa 1961. Even if Paul McCartney is just a syrupy reduction of his balsamic vinegar Beatles-era self, you gotta give the guy some credit as a musician; he was kept in check by the sheer swagger Lennon and Harrison could display. It's remarkable that Mccartney fell apart musically, at least from pushing the envelope, when he became more focused on parenting and being a good husband; Wings is garbage, yes I said it!
Margaret Cho's own show was amazing; Tera Pyle you've met your match!
What the fuck is this world coming to?!?!?!?
I was trying to catch your eye
3 Albums:
ONE LINK!
Some music that everybody's talking about in their sleep. I heard somebody say that they loved the Pixies. If I hear a "Pixies" Gipsy remix, I'm going to be sad. If you listen to Trompe le Monde, you have probably heard Frank Black's solo stuff already. That said, Joey Santiago is in rare form throughout the recording entitled "Teenager of the Year"; Pixies diaspora has been an intriguing one, and one has to wonder whose fault it was that they couldn't coexist for very long together. Also, reunion tours tend to be too commercial.
Sunshine Hit Me is another really great collection of songs that Band of Bees has put together.
The third contribution to this group is the album Talking Voice vs. Singing Voice it's really beautiful. It was made by a duo, wow, a monumental recording achievement, a real layer cake of audio sweetness, dripping and dribbling with sauce.
ONE LINK!
Some music that everybody's talking about in their sleep. I heard somebody say that they loved the Pixies. If I hear a "Pixies" Gipsy remix, I'm going to be sad. If you listen to Trompe le Monde, you have probably heard Frank Black's solo stuff already. That said, Joey Santiago is in rare form throughout the recording entitled "Teenager of the Year"; Pixies diaspora has been an intriguing one, and one has to wonder whose fault it was that they couldn't coexist for very long together. Also, reunion tours tend to be too commercial.
Sunshine Hit Me is another really great collection of songs that Band of Bees has put together.
The third contribution to this group is the album Talking Voice vs. Singing Voice it's really beautiful. It was made by a duo, wow, a monumental recording achievement, a real layer cake of audio sweetness, dripping and dribbling with sauce.
Fuck that movie Juno
Fuck that Roland Juno
Fuck that Juno, Alaska
The only thing I can think about is shooting a basketball. Occasionally, when the idea of shooting elbow jumpers fades in to something more sublime, I pick up a musical instrument or do something stupid like pretend to play the drums along with recordings through tinny, teeny-tiny speakers.
Hillel is for all the hungry non-jews, and seriously hungry jews.
Darren Daulton
Bon Scott
Von Wafer
Wafer thins (Vanilla):
Best guitar for under 2,000 dollars:
Martin
or
Taylor
Fuck that Roland Juno
Fuck that Juno, Alaska
The only thing I can think about is shooting a basketball. Occasionally, when the idea of shooting elbow jumpers fades in to something more sublime, I pick up a musical instrument or do something stupid like pretend to play the drums along with recordings through tinny, teeny-tiny speakers.
Hillel is for all the hungry non-jews, and seriously hungry jews.
Darren Daulton
Bon Scott
Von Wafer
Wafer thins (Vanilla):
Best guitar for under 2,000 dollars:
Martin
or
Taylor
2008/07/26
Carlsberg is not a twist-off beer bottle.
When you cut your hair, your face looks wider. Only certain demigods like Brad Pitt and Gilbert Godfried have yet to fall victim to this human inevitability.
In a musical world full of puff pastries, buttery, fattening treats with no real nutritional value or particular flavor, Love added some real color to the mix. Their most recognized song, in my mind, is "Alone Again Or", which Wes Anderson used in the Bottle Rocket soundtrack quite masterfully. So you probably already own this album, but maybe you don't. If you d/l and find that you were wanting more B-sides and versions that hit the cutting room floor, don't hesitate to comment and those will get sent right your way.
Forever Changes
2008/07/25
B&B Pilates
I don’t give a fuck right now about what I made before today
Mainly because most of it is garbage
This whole weekend is dedicated to Jackie, so I decided the only way to start it would be by having a Puerto Rican conversation between myself and the TV, just like she once had for a day or so in Miramar, a wealthy section of San Juan, Puerto Rico.
Fran’s projected results:
USA
Spain
Argentina
I love basketball, I love basketball; that’s what every fan tells himself as he takes a long sit on the porcelain throne. Why is toilet time such a good time for releasing things? I guess that was a dumb question.
Carmelo Anthony to Europe? Just ask Bill Walton:
His FIBA game is incredible, maybe he’s an even BETTER fit for a Euroleague club than a Josh Childress type. Wow, ‘Melo has been dunking with great tenacity. Why doesn’t Walt “Clyde” Frazier announce every video game? A dream team of him and Keith Hernandez might cause my TV to shatter, Cathode Ray tubes have a tendencies to overload when the colors are too intense.
Digital Photography
This is not a photograph, it’s a file.
How does it feel for Leo Rautins, playing for daddy? That must suck to know your dad was a bigger beast than you'll ever be at basketball. Anyway, go Canada, I guess. Also, I thought Carl English would be nasty, but there is only room for one English in the short history of the NBA and that is our man, Alex English. As NBA.com will tell you,
Roosevelt Roads; give that shit back to Puerto Rico, what the fuck USA??!??!?
Elliott Smith’s Self-Titled; Wes Anderson, ok I forgive myself for buying in to his movies, is pretty on point in following Gus Van Zandt’s lead in utilizing early Elliott Smith pieces in films to emphasize sadness.
NCAA basketball is dumb, it should share rules with FIBA, that way the NBA can have a true outlet to international style. This way more players will develop in the international style and make all national teams better by having the NCAA system be one where players the world round interested in attending school, and getting certain extracurricular benefits, can actually improve their basketball games. Athletic departments need to have accountability, as all students should have equal opportunity to pursue their aims, therefore we should take title IX on step further and say that all academics and athletics should be funded equally.
Tayshaun Prince versus UNC:
Maybe he is a great team USA addition. Also, how good defensively was the Dominguez team with Tyson Chandler and Prince in high school?
Blogs really should just be what you do in person, but whatever watered down version of that the internet can cook up. That is why I will try to give away as much music as possible on it before it’s too late.
Elliott Smith-S/T
Wow, this is a really amazing recording. It feels like someone is stabbing himself in the heart with a steak knife until he finally bleeds to death along in his kitchen. Something like that…
I bet a lot of people like to Google their own names. So maybe I’ll just write down people’s names here, and maybe if they google their own name randomly they’ll find me.
Dan Opatut
John Rocker
Rock Hudson
Hudson Hawk
Josh Smith
Wes Anderson
Birdman (The Rapper)
Taka Yasuzawa
Edward Sayid
Nathan Link
Alex Diaz
Guillermo Diaz
Dax Shepard
Horace Grant
Brian Grant
Ron Gant
Tom Hanks
Colin Hanks
Colin Farrell
Will Ferrell
Woody Harrelson
Kobe “Beef” Bryant
Joe “Bean” Bryant
Mick Foley
Axl Rose
Phil Lynot (Thin Lizzy lead singer)
C.C. Sabbathia
Max Kotelchuk
Jordan
Peter
In that order
Because let’s face it, you can’t play the game unless it’s all in order, otherwise it’s just random chaos.
Ella Fitzgerald
Richard Simmons
Ernie Sims
Homer Simpson
Gomer Pyle
Phytoplankton
Johnny Depp
Gerard Depardieu
Gary Carter
Joe Carter
Mitch Williams
Butch Cassidy
Dan Akroyd
Dana Carvey
Steve Harvey
Harvey Fierstein
Robin Williams
Edward Norton
Bill Gates
Edward Sayid
Englebert Humperdink
Coronel Clink
Bell Peppers
Dr. Bepper
Yuta Tabuse
Lane Staley
Darren Mcfadden
Dante
Nate Dogg
That last one was the best one yet. Dante + O.G. = Nate Dogg
Calvin Broadus
Charles Bronson
Will Leitch
Emitt Rhodes
Darrel Arthur
Ichiro Suzuki
Jianlin Yi
Manny Corpus
Roberto Bein
Mr. Bean
Mr. Clean
Bruce Willis
Sir Sean Connery
Duff Man
Expendable Lad
Lard Lad
Inspector Clusoe
Peter Sellers
Larry Sellers
Lon(g) Johnson
John Trapasso
Jim Morrison
Mainly because most of it is garbage
This whole weekend is dedicated to Jackie, so I decided the only way to start it would be by having a Puerto Rican conversation between myself and the TV, just like she once had for a day or so in Miramar, a wealthy section of San Juan, Puerto Rico.
Fran’s projected results:
USA
Spain
Argentina
I love basketball, I love basketball; that’s what every fan tells himself as he takes a long sit on the porcelain throne. Why is toilet time such a good time for releasing things? I guess that was a dumb question.
Carmelo Anthony to Europe? Just ask Bill Walton:
His FIBA game is incredible, maybe he’s an even BETTER fit for a Euroleague club than a Josh Childress type. Wow, ‘Melo has been dunking with great tenacity. Why doesn’t Walt “Clyde” Frazier announce every video game? A dream team of him and Keith Hernandez might cause my TV to shatter, Cathode Ray tubes have a tendencies to overload when the colors are too intense.
Digital Photography
This is not a photograph, it’s a file.
How does it feel for Leo Rautins, playing for daddy? That must suck to know your dad was a bigger beast than you'll ever be at basketball. Anyway, go Canada, I guess. Also, I thought Carl English would be nasty, but there is only room for one English in the short history of the NBA and that is our man, Alex English. As NBA.com will tell you,
Alex English
Jersey #2 Retired: March 2, 1993
Alex English's career can best be summed up in one word: consistency. In 10 of his 11 seasons with the Nuggets (1979-90), English averaged better than 21 points per game. In eight of those 11 years, he scored more than 25 points per game.
When he departed as a free agent in 1990, English left as the Nuggets all-time leading scorer - having notched 21, 654 points - and his career average of 25. 9 ppg is the best in Nuggets history. He also ranks 10th on the NBA's all-time scoring list.
The eight-time NBA All-Star is also the Nuggets career leader in games played, minutes played, field goals made, field goals attempted and assists. He ranks third in rebounds and steals.
In each of his first 10 seasons with the Nuggets, English finished among the top 10 in the NBA in scoring. In 1982-83, he became the first and only Nugget to lead the league in scoring with a 28.4 average. English also holds the distinction of leading the NBA in scoring during the decade of the '80s, after compiling 19, 682 points.
A second-team All-NBA member in 1982, '83 and '86, English guided the Nuggets to Division championships in 1984-85 and '87-88.
Also a leader in the community, English was presented the J. Walter Kennedy Citizenship Award for community service in 1988. IN 1985, he convinced NBA players to donate their shares from the All-Star game to Interaction Ethiopia, a relief fund.
During his playing days, he was also involved in a variety of other activities such as acting in major motion pictures, Amazing Grace and Chuck. He has continued to stay busy since his playing days by being involved in Internet sites and coaching in the NBDL.
He was inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame in 1997.
Roosevelt Roads; give that shit back to Puerto Rico, what the fuck USA??!??!?
Elliott Smith’s Self-Titled; Wes Anderson, ok I forgive myself for buying in to his movies, is pretty on point in following Gus Van Zandt’s lead in utilizing early Elliott Smith pieces in films to emphasize sadness.
NCAA basketball is dumb, it should share rules with FIBA, that way the NBA can have a true outlet to international style. This way more players will develop in the international style and make all national teams better by having the NCAA system be one where players the world round interested in attending school, and getting certain extracurricular benefits, can actually improve their basketball games. Athletic departments need to have accountability, as all students should have equal opportunity to pursue their aims, therefore we should take title IX on step further and say that all academics and athletics should be funded equally.
Tayshaun Prince versus UNC:
Maybe he is a great team USA addition. Also, how good defensively was the Dominguez team with Tyson Chandler and Prince in high school?
Blogs really should just be what you do in person, but whatever watered down version of that the internet can cook up. That is why I will try to give away as much music as possible on it before it’s too late.
Elliott Smith-S/T
Wow, this is a really amazing recording. It feels like someone is stabbing himself in the heart with a steak knife until he finally bleeds to death along in his kitchen. Something like that…
I bet a lot of people like to Google their own names. So maybe I’ll just write down people’s names here, and maybe if they google their own name randomly they’ll find me.
Dan Opatut
John Rocker
Rock Hudson
Hudson Hawk
Josh Smith
Wes Anderson
Birdman (The Rapper)
Taka Yasuzawa
Edward Sayid
Nathan Link
Alex Diaz
Guillermo Diaz
Dax Shepard
Horace Grant
Brian Grant
Ron Gant
Tom Hanks
Colin Hanks
Colin Farrell
Will Ferrell
Woody Harrelson
Kobe “Beef” Bryant
Joe “Bean” Bryant
Mick Foley
Axl Rose
Phil Lynot (Thin Lizzy lead singer)
C.C. Sabbathia
Max Kotelchuk
Jordan
Peter
In that order
Because let’s face it, you can’t play the game unless it’s all in order, otherwise it’s just random chaos.
Ella Fitzgerald
Richard Simmons
Ernie Sims
Homer Simpson
Gomer Pyle
Phytoplankton
Johnny Depp
Gerard Depardieu
Gary Carter
Joe Carter
Mitch Williams
Butch Cassidy
Dan Akroyd
Dana Carvey
Steve Harvey
Harvey Fierstein
Robin Williams
Edward Norton
Bill Gates
Edward Sayid
Englebert Humperdink
Coronel Clink
Bell Peppers
Dr. Bepper
Yuta Tabuse
Lane Staley
Darren Mcfadden
Dante
Nate Dogg
That last one was the best one yet. Dante + O.G. = Nate Dogg
Calvin Broadus
Charles Bronson
Will Leitch
Emitt Rhodes
Darrel Arthur
Ichiro Suzuki
Jianlin Yi
Manny Corpus
Roberto Bein
Mr. Bean
Mr. Clean
Bruce Willis
Sir Sean Connery
Duff Man
Expendable Lad
Lard Lad
Inspector Clusoe
Peter Sellers
Larry Sellers
Lon(g) Johnson
John Trapasso
Jim Morrison
2008/07/24
Fender Telecaster Deluxe
Love single-coil pickups? Sure you do, even if you don't play an electrified string instrument, you've enjoyed countless recordings that featured the clarity and ring of these lovely magnetic boxes. Count me among the millions of people who dig on the single-coil. However, just as poop trumps pee in every numerical argument, at least in an olfactory sense, two is always better than one. So let's not forget the importance of the dual-coil, "Humbucker", pickup; credited in large part to Seth Lover, while working at Gibson, he sought a way to eliminate the low level electrical hum through common-mode rejection.
Anyways, I picked up a black beauty.
Here's a fun column on the Telecaster Deluxe.
Anyways, I picked up a black beauty.
Here's a fun column on the Telecaster Deluxe.
Cream of Cauliflower
There is an increasingly widening gap between my left and right butt cheeks.
Oh, you're still reading. In that case, make yourself at home. Here's an album I really like (SEEB EHT EERF), because it has 5 things all albums ought to have:
-Vocal harmony
-Tight, crispy drums
-Electric bass guitar
-Fun noises
-Quality rhythm guitar
ANIHC ENIF EMOS SKAERB DNA SESPALER NEEUQ EHT, AET EROFEB
AYA!
Oh, you're still reading. In that case, make yourself at home. Here's an album I really like (SEEB EHT EERF), because it has 5 things all albums ought to have:
-Vocal harmony
-Tight, crispy drums
-Electric bass guitar
-Fun noises
-Quality rhythm guitar
ANIHC ENIF EMOS SKAERB DNA SESPALER NEEUQ EHT, AET EROFEB
AYA!
2008/07/22
I know
I may have promised some other shit first, but I just remembered that this album is ridiculously good. As allmusic.com will tell you, Beulah was a member of the Elephant 6 collective, big ups to Phil Warren for opening my eyes to this music back in freshman year.
When Your Heartstrings Break
As allmusic might also tell you, this album demonstrates Beulah's leap from lo-fi to medium-fi. There are so many standout tracks, it may take repeated listens, so take your time with this album.
Some quick thoughts:
-When I watch old couples sitting and eating in a restaurant I get really sad. Does this mean I have problems?
-Isn't there a better way to be happy than by doing what other people tell you?
-Why can't there be full frontal male nudity on public access programming?
When Your Heartstrings Break
As allmusic might also tell you, this album demonstrates Beulah's leap from lo-fi to medium-fi. There are so many standout tracks, it may take repeated listens, so take your time with this album.
Some quick thoughts:
-When I watch old couples sitting and eating in a restaurant I get really sad. Does this mean I have problems?
-Isn't there a better way to be happy than by doing what other people tell you?
-Why can't there be full frontal male nudity on public access programming?
2008/07/21
De.lir.ious
Beep Beep
Who's got the keys to my jeep?
Vroom Vroom
Sometimes a record hits home for no reason at all, for better and often for worse; treat the Macarena like the Alamo, never forget the asinine group dancing. When I first heard The Good Life's Album of the Year I was immediately hooked, and I was perfectly happy with my girlfriend of the time to boot. Repeated (excessive, daily) listening drove me slightly mad and to the single life; I was so absorbed by the themes of alcoholism, loss and the midwest that I actually was compelled to lead my life in a similar fashion. Call me pathetic, call me what you will. So it is with a great pain in my heart that I reveal the album that started a movement in my head that will just not slow down no matter how stoned I get in rebellion of my formerly alcoholic self.
Album of the Year
In other news:
The Phillies are going to the first round of the playoffs, and then they will lose to whoever the hell they are playing.
The capital of Cambodia ain't got shit on the Baton Twirl.
Dunking outdoors by yourself in your hometown is pathetic after years of hyping oneself of.
Who's got the keys to my jeep?
Vroom Vroom
Sometimes a record hits home for no reason at all, for better and often for worse; treat the Macarena like the Alamo, never forget the asinine group dancing. When I first heard The Good Life's Album of the Year I was immediately hooked, and I was perfectly happy with my girlfriend of the time to boot. Repeated (excessive, daily) listening drove me slightly mad and to the single life; I was so absorbed by the themes of alcoholism, loss and the midwest that I actually was compelled to lead my life in a similar fashion. Call me pathetic, call me what you will. So it is with a great pain in my heart that I reveal the album that started a movement in my head that will just not slow down no matter how stoned I get in rebellion of my formerly alcoholic self.
Album of the Year
In other news:
The Phillies are going to the first round of the playoffs, and then they will lose to whoever the hell they are playing.
The capital of Cambodia ain't got shit on the Baton Twirl.
Dunking outdoors by yourself in your hometown is pathetic after years of hyping oneself of.
Walking by the River
The elevator at 150 W. 58th street is remarkably fast. Up on the 30th floor one can find the austere Spanish consulate general that reminded me of the Department of Motor Vehicles, but with a nice view.
Stay tuned for some Band of Bees, Neil Young, Little Feat, and some Chris Brown (maybe) all this week. Also, don't throw beer bottles after chugging them, nobody ever wins in that situation.
Long story short
Baseball is having an interesting year
The NBA off season is full of intrigue and bad signings by the NJ Nets
The Boston Celtics might be better this upcoming season if Tony Allen and J.R. Giddens start smoking out of the same ROOR bong
The Golden State Warriors are in big trouble
The LA Clippers are going to win just enough games to disappoint Bill Simmons
The LA Lakers will dub Andrew Bynum, "Baby Bitch", because of his obsession with chocolate and cheese
Goldschlager will jockey for position with Jaeger in the pools of vomit I leave all over my quiet neighborhood
Philadelphia might show the world the genius that is Ed Stefanski
Bald GM's continue their coup of building successful NBA rosters around talented players whose skills can be placed in to the coaches system, implying they find coaches that have proven system that can work with particular pieces. In a desperate attempt to stay current, Danny Ainge calls up Dan Akroyd and borrows his skin cap from "Coneheads".
When Carmelo Anthony hits the trading block for pennies on the dollar, will he finally team up with Lebron James to form the postmodern Bulls squad we've all been waiting for? Maybe Denver should defrost the formerly rotting corpse of Gerry Mcnamara and get him to show Carmelo what it means to love the game again.
Earl Boykins can bench press a lot of weight, they say.
Stay tuned for some Band of Bees, Neil Young, Little Feat, and some Chris Brown (maybe) all this week. Also, don't throw beer bottles after chugging them, nobody ever wins in that situation.
Long story short
Baseball is having an interesting year
The NBA off season is full of intrigue and bad signings by the NJ Nets
The Boston Celtics might be better this upcoming season if Tony Allen and J.R. Giddens start smoking out of the same ROOR bong
The Golden State Warriors are in big trouble
The LA Clippers are going to win just enough games to disappoint Bill Simmons
The LA Lakers will dub Andrew Bynum, "Baby Bitch", because of his obsession with chocolate and cheese
Goldschlager will jockey for position with Jaeger in the pools of vomit I leave all over my quiet neighborhood
Philadelphia might show the world the genius that is Ed Stefanski
Bald GM's continue their coup of building successful NBA rosters around talented players whose skills can be placed in to the coaches system, implying they find coaches that have proven system that can work with particular pieces. In a desperate attempt to stay current, Danny Ainge calls up Dan Akroyd and borrows his skin cap from "Coneheads".
When Carmelo Anthony hits the trading block for pennies on the dollar, will he finally team up with Lebron James to form the postmodern Bulls squad we've all been waiting for? Maybe Denver should defrost the formerly rotting corpse of Gerry Mcnamara and get him to show Carmelo what it means to love the game again.
Earl Boykins can bench press a lot of weight, they say.
2008/07/20
Osirus
Two days after
Ol' Dirty passed
Harry Bornstein
duct taped a 40 oz.
to Allen Memorial Art Musuem
and renamed it in Dirt Mccgirt's honor
Ol' Dirty's Officla Mixtape
Ol' Dirty passed
Harry Bornstein
duct taped a 40 oz.
to Allen Memorial Art Musuem
and renamed it in Dirt Mccgirt's honor
Ol' Dirty's Officla Mixtape
San Martín
Meet me at the corner of Jorge Luis Borges and Avenida Santa Fe, and we'll walk a block to Kentucky Pizza. Later I'll take you down Thames, to MALOUVA and there we ingest Malbecs from 2004 and beyond. Oh the future is grand, as we take a turn down to Hollywood, not so far away, but as Liberacci rolls over in his grave, we take in all the sights of Mundo Bizarro's brand of brutish behavior. A quick survey, the scene, a sighting of slight figures, slim, slow, sultry figures, locomotive motor train whistle blowing through my brains.
Again, Levon Helm will simply not leave my head, his drumming too idiosyncratic.
You better stop and think about what you're doing:
The Solution
Again, Levon Helm will simply not leave my head, his drumming too idiosyncratic.
You better stop and think about what you're doing:
The Solution
Before
Before there were hipsters
there was Harry
Before there was ketchup
there was corn syrup
Out in Dubai
they're building
a man made island where
it's land locked
and dry
so why change
the world
for some
white
collar
tourists?
Before they brought back
the dead of next year
they tried their hardest
to squeeze the square peg
in to the round hole
Vagina
anti-inflammatory
Eric Mangini
formerly of Foxboro's
fine facilities
There's a plague
and it's eating away at
the population's base
and we worry
when our parents say
that we are more spoiled
than they are
because we see
first hand
the destruction of man
and we think that it's
time to place blame
not upon ourselves
us, we're great
and progressive
and kind
and we might be
running late
but surprise!
we're resiliant
little carnivorous
mammals
and we'll move on
when we find
the real source
of our divine
worrying over
the race of life's sport
No support, none whatsoever, as we cascade down the mountainside's cool breeze's glide, reminiscent of a bath in KY, I wonder why I didn't cover my face. The awkward moment, like a fart at a funeral, left cupid to wander and wonder if his arrows were defectively plumed; I told you I loved you, you told me confusion, I guess I don't listen while speaking, but who does anyways, am I so far inside my own head that I can't see the problems are remedies? 420 friendly listed on craiglist for apartments in New Amsterdam, time to get my brain fixed.
there was Harry
Before there was ketchup
there was corn syrup
Out in Dubai
they're building
a man made island where
it's land locked
and dry
so why change
the world
for some
white
collar
tourists?
Before they brought back
the dead of next year
they tried their hardest
to squeeze the square peg
in to the round hole
Vagina
anti-inflammatory
Eric Mangini
formerly of Foxboro's
fine facilities
There's a plague
and it's eating away at
the population's base
and we worry
when our parents say
that we are more spoiled
than they are
because we see
first hand
the destruction of man
and we think that it's
time to place blame
not upon ourselves
us, we're great
and progressive
and kind
and we might be
running late
but surprise!
we're resiliant
little carnivorous
mammals
and we'll move on
when we find
the real source
of our divine
worrying over
the race of life's sport
No support, none whatsoever, as we cascade down the mountainside's cool breeze's glide, reminiscent of a bath in KY, I wonder why I didn't cover my face. The awkward moment, like a fart at a funeral, left cupid to wander and wonder if his arrows were defectively plumed; I told you I loved you, you told me confusion, I guess I don't listen while speaking, but who does anyways, am I so far inside my own head that I can't see the problems are remedies? 420 friendly listed on craiglist for apartments in New Amsterdam, time to get my brain fixed.
2008/07/19
En la playa
It's hard to imagine a world where your two best friends both die from drug overdoses. If there was ever a way to pay musical tribute to Danny Whitten, the original guitarist in Crazy Horse, and roadie Bruce Berry, Tonight's the Night is it. That said, 1973's On the Beach is perhaps the greatest cathartic achievement I've ever heard a studio musician create.
He's baring all his soul for the sake of reconciling both the internal and external pressures and criticisms that had been surrounding him ever since his star began to shine brightly. I don't think you should read about it, one ought to just listen and form her own opinion.
Also, this album ought to get remastered and reissued digitally. Neil make it happen!
On the Beach
Levon Helm's presence is felt on Revolution Blues. David Crosby's semen was felt in side Melissa Etheridge's wifes cervical cavity.
He's baring all his soul for the sake of reconciling both the internal and external pressures and criticisms that had been surrounding him ever since his star began to shine brightly. I don't think you should read about it, one ought to just listen and form her own opinion.
Also, this album ought to get remastered and reissued digitally. Neil make it happen!
On the Beach
Levon Helm's presence is felt on Revolution Blues. David Crosby's semen was felt in side Melissa Etheridge's wifes cervical cavity.
Dead Weight Loss
old links appear to have died. If anyone needs anything from an older post, just email me or drop a comment and I'll send you a personal link.
In other news, Princeton is really boring for some people, and just plain frustrating for others.
2008/07/18
Bitch Work
La reina se murió;
I have just discovered...
I want to sex you Mutombo...
p.s.-fuck the Mets, fuck the Mets, fuck the Phillies for trading for fat, stocky, Darko Milicic:
I have just discovered...
I want to sex you Mutombo...
p.s.-fuck the Mets, fuck the Mets, fuck the Phillies for trading for fat, stocky, Darko Milicic:
2008/07/17
We Gonna Get Cancelled For Sure...
It took some time, back when Apologies to the Queen Mary first played in my headphones I didn't think much of their sound, but hundreds of listens later, I think that might be one of the best albums that came out this decade. So, they decided to drop a new album recently, it's, uhh, really good.
At Mount Zoomer:
Don't say I never get you nothing.
At Mount Zoomer:
Don't say I never get you nothing.
Truan Savage
I'm going to compile a picture essay about Truan Savage. Why not a different notable Oberlin 5th year, like say, Sean Mair? It's a long, complicated answer, but, in short, it's easy.
Hey look, Truan is on myspace.
Truan is a pretty cool guy
Remember when a drunken Nick Sullender slammed Truan to the ground?
Picture Truan, shirtless, drunk in the middle of a Summer Day.
What Truan will see when he googles his own name.
Hey look, Truan is on myspace.
Truan is a pretty cool guy
Remember when a drunken Nick Sullender slammed Truan to the ground?
Picture Truan, shirtless, drunk in the middle of a Summer Day.
What Truan will see when he googles his own name.
2008/07/16
Easy Listening
Phil Spector, like him or not, has had a profound effect on the way we appreciate popular music. His work in the studio is prolific, incredibly original and often controversial. The Wall of Sound recording technique certainly warrants mentioning as a crucial development in Mono recording, he was adamantly opposed to stereo recordings, saying they focused too much on the listener, and not enough on the producer; read about it here.
People like covering his work. If you went to Oberlin College, Wesleyan, or live in Brooklyn, you might have overheard someone mention a band called Grizzly Bear; they are pretty fucking good, and they don't mind wearing their influences on their sleeve, whether or not one can appreciate that is a different question. Here's them doing their best girl group impression, I guess, on their version of "He Hit Me (And It Felt Like a Kiss)"
Reasons to not like Phil Spector:
-He's a megalomaniac
-He may have shot his wife dead during an argument (I suppose he's no William Burroughs in that regard)
-He played Dr. Kevorkian to the fading esprit de corps of the Beatles
-He may or may not advocate domestic abuse in his songwriting (I personally think that the band Grizzly Bear pretty much hit the mark with their take on the Crystal's classic, when sung by a sullen male voice to take the irony of the track and make it in to a modern Bo-Diddley kind of swagger song)
Did he kill his ex-wife? Probably, he's a crazy motherfucker.
¿XANADU?
Is that Nick Koenig?
Anyways, here's more Phil Spector than I know what to do with, if you want more, then leave a comment:
The Crystals-He Hit Me (And it Felt Like a Kiss):Back to Mono
Bobby B. Soxx & the Blue Jeans-Why Do Lovers Break Each Other's Hearts?
The Ronettes-Walking in the Rain
The Ronettes-Soldier Baby of MineThe Beatles-Long and Winding Road:Let it Be
The perfect storm will crash down upon the Atlantic Division come 2010, which believe you me is on the way, and it may or may not require Lebron James. More to come on my zygote of a theory about idealism, Jorge Luis Borges, NBA perfection, the importance of James Posey, Bobby Brown and Julian Wright to the New Orleans Hornets, the overall expendable nature of basically every player on the Houston Rockets summer league squad, The deep seated fear of mercenary free agents ruining entire seasons of intrigue in a desperate search for the glory of a championship, Jews in the NBA,the ballad of DJ Mbenga, the importance of Run THC (Sean Williams, Yi Jianlin, and (in my funny, jewcentric world) Jordan Farmar), and maybe even a peek at some Chinese people wearing Yi Jerseys.
People like covering his work. If you went to Oberlin College, Wesleyan, or live in Brooklyn, you might have overheard someone mention a band called Grizzly Bear; they are pretty fucking good, and they don't mind wearing their influences on their sleeve, whether or not one can appreciate that is a different question. Here's them doing their best girl group impression, I guess, on their version of "He Hit Me (And It Felt Like a Kiss)"
Reasons to not like Phil Spector:
-He's a megalomaniac
-He may have shot his wife dead during an argument (I suppose he's no William Burroughs in that regard)
-He played Dr. Kevorkian to the fading esprit de corps of the Beatles
-He may or may not advocate domestic abuse in his songwriting (I personally think that the band Grizzly Bear pretty much hit the mark with their take on the Crystal's classic, when sung by a sullen male voice to take the irony of the track and make it in to a modern Bo-Diddley kind of swagger song)
Did he kill his ex-wife? Probably, he's a crazy motherfucker.
¿XANADU?
Is that Nick Koenig?
Anyways, here's more Phil Spector than I know what to do with, if you want more, then leave a comment:
The Crystals-He Hit Me (And it Felt Like a Kiss):Back to Mono
Bobby B. Soxx & the Blue Jeans-Why Do Lovers Break Each Other's Hearts?
The Ronettes-Walking in the Rain
The Ronettes-Soldier Baby of MineThe Beatles-Long and Winding Road:Let it Be
The perfect storm will crash down upon the Atlantic Division come 2010, which believe you me is on the way, and it may or may not require Lebron James. More to come on my zygote of a theory about idealism, Jorge Luis Borges, NBA perfection, the importance of James Posey, Bobby Brown and Julian Wright to the New Orleans Hornets, the overall expendable nature of basically every player on the Houston Rockets summer league squad, The deep seated fear of mercenary free agents ruining entire seasons of intrigue in a desperate search for the glory of a championship, Jews in the NBA,the ballad of DJ Mbenga, the importance of Run THC (Sean Williams, Yi Jianlin, and (in my funny, jewcentric world) Jordan Farmar), and maybe even a peek at some Chinese people wearing Yi Jerseys.
2008/07/15
It's Been a Long Day
Song to play if you work all day to come home to a lover:
Wait-The Beatles:Rubber Soul
Paul McCartney:Sean Marion::The Beatles:Phoenix Suns under Mike D'Antoni
John Lennon:Steve Nash::""
George Harrison:Amáre Stoudemire:""
Ringo Starr: Mike D'Antoni
New York Knicks (2008-): who knows, maybe The Ringo Starr All-Star Band, maybe just a cameo on the Simpsons.
Song to play if you come home to dirty dishes:
Rag Mama Rag-The Band:The Band
It's been a loooong day. Christian Rock is soooo condescending. She said go get a haircut, so I showed her my bare butt. Is this what we want our children to turn in to?
Wait-The Beatles:Rubber Soul
Paul McCartney:Sean Marion::The Beatles:Phoenix Suns under Mike D'Antoni
John Lennon:Steve Nash::""
George Harrison:Amáre Stoudemire:""
Ringo Starr: Mike D'Antoni
New York Knicks (2008-): who knows, maybe The Ringo Starr All-Star Band, maybe just a cameo on the Simpsons.
Song to play if you come home to dirty dishes:
Rag Mama Rag-The Band:The Band
It's been a loooong day. Christian Rock is soooo condescending. She said go get a haircut, so I showed her my bare butt. Is this what we want our children to turn in to?
The Dentist and the Damage Done
Try biting in to a breakfast sandwich when you can only feel the left side of your mouth.
Huelva
Good news: when people now ask me what I'm doing with my life, I can offer a somewhat definitive answer, at least until may 31st.
I'm off to the industrial city of Huelva, located in southwestern Spain, to participate as an English Language Conversation Assistant.
I imagine class will be a lot like this:
2008/07/14
With Thanks to John Bennum
Twang is one of those words whose usage is limited essentially to American English:
twang |twa ng |
noun
a strong ringing sound such as that made by the plucked string of a musical instrument or a released bowstring.
• a nasal or other distinctive manner of pronunciation or intonation characteristic of the speech of an individual, area, or country : an American twang
Anyone who enjoys Country music can easily associate twang with particular artists (Ry Cooder, Merle Haggard, etc.), perhaps even with particular stringed instruments (Fender® Telecaster®, Banjo, etc.). In the world of Pop music, twang can serve as a tool to augment one's sound or it can be an impediment like none other, causing those who listen to lose all respect for you as a human being. With this thin line of good taste often being toed nowadays by a plethora of artists looking to employ twang(From Ryan Adams to Jenny Lewis to the down syndrome laced affair that is Toby Keith) it's important to look back at some earlier innovation in this sonic area. So, if you've got the time, it might be worth taking a look at the debut album from The Flying Burrito Brothers, Gilded Palace of Sin. Gram Parsons did a lot of drugs, he had cool friends, he went to Harvard for short while, hell, he even banged a snaggle-toothed Emmylou Harris for sometime, by that logic alone, this album merits at least one single listening. Also, bonus points for having not one, but two tracks named hot burrito.
Gilded Palace of Sin
As noted genius Saul Flores will tell you, it was not The Rolling Stones, but, the Flying Burrito Brothers who were responsible for such fan unrest, that Hell's Angels had no choice but to brutally murder an audience member at the Altamont Speedway in December, 1969. Someone brought a knife to a gun fight, and won.
twang |twa ng |
noun
a strong ringing sound such as that made by the plucked string of a musical instrument or a released bowstring.
• a nasal or other distinctive manner of pronunciation or intonation characteristic of the speech of an individual, area, or country : an American twang
Anyone who enjoys Country music can easily associate twang with particular artists (Ry Cooder, Merle Haggard, etc.), perhaps even with particular stringed instruments (Fender® Telecaster®, Banjo, etc.). In the world of Pop music, twang can serve as a tool to augment one's sound or it can be an impediment like none other, causing those who listen to lose all respect for you as a human being. With this thin line of good taste often being toed nowadays by a plethora of artists looking to employ twang(From Ryan Adams to Jenny Lewis to the down syndrome laced affair that is Toby Keith) it's important to look back at some earlier innovation in this sonic area. So, if you've got the time, it might be worth taking a look at the debut album from The Flying Burrito Brothers, Gilded Palace of Sin. Gram Parsons did a lot of drugs, he had cool friends, he went to Harvard for short while, hell, he even banged a snaggle-toothed Emmylou Harris for sometime, by that logic alone, this album merits at least one single listening. Also, bonus points for having not one, but two tracks named hot burrito.
Gilded Palace of Sin
As noted genius Saul Flores will tell you, it was not The Rolling Stones, but, the Flying Burrito Brothers who were responsible for such fan unrest, that Hell's Angels had no choice but to brutally murder an audience member at the Altamont Speedway in December, 1969. Someone brought a knife to a gun fight, and won.
A Brief History
What's up Casual Male XL? Smiling big for the camera, and driving home a little tipsy. Could you be all the things, I've ever wanted to be. Do I feel condescendingly better than thee? Will you stop the Joseph McCarthy of sports bloggers from saying Yi will not succeed with me? I guess I'll have to do it all myself.
Once someone told me that if you write things down in front of other people, just to seem more mysterious or motivated to act a certain way, you say really terrible things. This can only be justified by the rationale that women are always more forgiving than men; I have come to believe that gross over generalization is acceptable when you don't really believe what you're saying.
Civil Society: ¿Cómo hemos aceptado la amplia definición de ser americano en el norte? Mi cerébro está separado en dos secciones; izquierda y derecha.
How truly can one type his/her feelings? I prefer the pen, it is more like an extension of one's hand, whereas the keyboard is an extension of a computer, which in theory is used to dictate your mind, which is only later connected to your heart.
Once someone told me that if you write things down in front of other people, just to seem more mysterious or motivated to act a certain way, you say really terrible things. This can only be justified by the rationale that women are always more forgiving than men; I have come to believe that gross over generalization is acceptable when you don't really believe what you're saying.
Civil Society: ¿Cómo hemos aceptado la amplia definición de ser americano en el norte? Mi cerébro está separado en dos secciones; izquierda y derecha.
How truly can one type his/her feelings? I prefer the pen, it is more like an extension of one's hand, whereas the keyboard is an extension of a computer, which in theory is used to dictate your mind, which is only later connected to your heart.
2008/07/13
Talking Blue County Blues
Dreamers keep on sleeping
while those with real vision
move through the thickets
aware of what lays ahead
You're looking backwards
fact checking all the
same ignorant sources
hoping for some sanity
amid the dusty cattle herd
Garyn and Bobby
Andy and Ben
Jackie's been bouncing
on bathtub gin
Maya and Marya
cooking up something
precociously measuring
stamping their feet
fascinatingly fleetfooted
for a couple of kooks
So yeah there's still
some dead weight loss
can't shake this feeling
Another grimy spinster
whips around the hatch
griping in excess
of a broken down back
Exiting the highway
in an unorthodox
manner if that
means anything at all
then we've been driving
for far too long
Ambulance Blues
Getting pulled over by the police is a jarring experience. Except, when you come off as a competent individual. If you beat them to the punch, then it's lights out!
In relative honor, of a great Saturday night out, we sing to thee our new song called "Neighborhood Watch"; a gay tale, I'm quite sure of it.
Ok now this is happening:
For my final thought; Ben Kweller is the 5th member of Badfinger, we just never knew it. The drums are so crisp; yeah it's from Fort-Worth, Texas, but it wasn't fried with southern batter. This makes me think that anyone is capable of being literate no matter the socio-economic circumstances that people haphazardly associate with being unable to locate their elbow from their ass. Just what is this Texas!?!?!? I demand answers; first, the jews are up in arms, kvetching about, to and fro, gently mocking their current landlords that, even though they pay rent the best, even though they're clear on the fact that she's selling the place, they plead for an extra month to get all their chachkas out of the joint.
Smelling like Roses, it's the springtime shuffling line 08540, 2378, 2378; casual, casually dripping wet.Benjamin Kweller's "album" that made 90's slackers forget all about Radish.
Badfinger; no, not an anglo-ska band, rather the supposed next greatest thing, according to the Beatles, if you buy in to that sort of thing; I did, and I wasn't even a twinkle in my momma's eye when it actually happened. So I ask then, is history more important then the future, what is the point of releasing things to the public; when do you want to be understood? What is the fundamental values that set your aims in a manner that can be easily understood? Are you bi? Bi-curious? Bi-pre All-Star break blockbuster? Biennial? Buy more Lipton Tea®.
In relative honor, of a great Saturday night out, we sing to thee our new song called "Neighborhood Watch"; a gay tale, I'm quite sure of it.
Ok now this is happening:
For my final thought; Ben Kweller is the 5th member of Badfinger, we just never knew it. The drums are so crisp; yeah it's from Fort-Worth, Texas, but it wasn't fried with southern batter. This makes me think that anyone is capable of being literate no matter the socio-economic circumstances that people haphazardly associate with being unable to locate their elbow from their ass. Just what is this Texas!?!?!? I demand answers; first, the jews are up in arms, kvetching about, to and fro, gently mocking their current landlords that, even though they pay rent the best, even though they're clear on the fact that she's selling the place, they plead for an extra month to get all their chachkas out of the joint.
Smelling like Roses, it's the springtime shuffling line 08540, 2378, 2378; casual, casually dripping wet.Benjamin Kweller's "album" that made 90's slackers forget all about Radish.
Badfinger; no, not an anglo-ska band, rather the supposed next greatest thing, according to the Beatles, if you buy in to that sort of thing; I did, and I wasn't even a twinkle in my momma's eye when it actually happened. So I ask then, is history more important then the future, what is the point of releasing things to the public; when do you want to be understood? What is the fundamental values that set your aims in a manner that can be easily understood? Are you bi? Bi-curious? Bi-pre All-Star break blockbuster? Biennial? Buy more Lipton Tea®.
2008/07/12
Why?
Dennis Wilson played drums for the Beach Boys. Maybe piano too, I don't really know. I heard a song off of this album once, then saw it on sale for 450 dollars on Amazon.com. Does that make this album important? Only you can decide.
Now for my last gasp of air before going underwater for the foreseeable future:
My Justification for existing in the musical realm.
Pacific Ocean Blue
Love.
Now for my last gasp of air before going underwater for the foreseeable future:
My Justification for existing in the musical realm.
Pacific Ocean Blue
Love.
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